I like precision as much as the next person, so feel free to be particular about labels with me.

But you'll excuse me, I hope, for thinking that statutory rape is . . . wait for it . . . rape. (It's the rape part that gave it away.)

And excuse me too if I disclaim any credit, blame, or responsibility for anything…

Do you really think that FS1 will be better? They've got money to compete, sure. But do you really think that the channel will provide better journalism and less misogyny?

I think "wiki" is the Nepali word meaning "always true."

You're good.

True.

But it's not just that football is fun to watch.

It's that football players are simply better people than non-football players. It's been proven time and again. In fact, I think that's what Darwin was talking about or something.

But now, Hal Shaw, an assistant golf pro at a country club, has revealed that before all of this went down, he heard a group of mobsters at his club . . .

Well case closed! Who could need more evidence than that? It's not like ESPN would ever just stir up a bunch of vaguely misogynistic crap for crap's sake or…

And how far he can throw / kick / run with a football, right?

". . . danced with a cartoon mouse . . . "

Is that a metaphor?

(Travel safely. And avoid eye contact.)

Same guy, I thought.

Wrong?

Good point. The attire really did seem, um, intentional.

And if they didn't want to be treated like rapists, why were they in court being convicted of or confessing to rape? You only go there for a reason, you know.

You weren't trying to? Weird.

There are other options . . . .

Wait, um, what'd I do again?

So you're not R. Kelly.

I've been wondering.

Look.

If we're going to solve the problem of Rape Ruining Rapists' Lives, we may have to try something different.

What we're doing now obviously isn't working . . . .

Boy.

It's really a shame how disastrous these rapes can be for the rapists. Rambold, the Steubenville guys, the Michigan football player — it practically ruins their lives.

Maybe it would be better if they didn't, you know, rape people.

Any truth to the rumor that Miley Cyrus will sing the national anthem that night?

I can see why these "Right-Wingers" are so upset.

I mean, in addition to the whole "downfall of civilization" thing, the policy is just wrong on its facts.

For one, it doesn't say anything about masturbation causing blindness or hairy palms. We all know about that.

For another, it says that "some people masturbate;…

Do you think they unwrap the cheese before eating?

As long as it's the *right* one.

A question:

Do conservatives like "single" anything?

The hate single parents, single-payer health care, and Singles (the strangely underrated movie by Cameron Crowe). What's with them?

(An exception, surely: Single-malt scotch.)