I spent $11 on the paper alone. It's specially shaped.

It's supposed to be a swan.

Fake orgasms are ruining everything? Really?

I thought it was fake organisms — you know, like Jonah Lehrer and genetically-modified foods. Is that wrong now?

If Trent Lott doesn't deserve a good shot to the groin, no one does.

Okay. Fine. If I have to spell it out for you — in pictures, no less — I will.

Here — and note the shoes:

You think real wasps wear khakis (pleated, probably) to the office on 97 degree days?

Someone sure is missing the joke here, but it ain't me.

I don't know. The wasp wasn't wearing khakis — at least none that I could see.

A wasp invaded my office this morning. He was big and apparently vicious, but I got him, eventually, with a book and some luck.

Should I leave his lifeless, mostly smushed body on the window sill as a warning to his friends?

Hmm. "Purger."

No wonder Juror B-37 lied to get selected . . . .

Touche.

Seize the moment! Take advantage of the chaos! You can horde office supplies at your whim!

(Sorry to hear about your boss's departure, though I hope s/he is off to great things. Any chance your boss is a part-time merman/maid? If so, I could apply . . . .)

Oh.

(But come closer, pthalomarie. I've got a secret: It was a joke. Don't tell anyone, okay?)

Some good riffs never get old (even if the politics do) . . .

From the Onion, circa 1999:

Could be better; could be worse. I guess that's the way things are. Just returned from a big work trip that took me to Canada. You may know this already, but I'll share it anyway: Canada is not all ice and snow, and not everyone was playing hockey — at least not all the time. Wild!

Hope things are okay at work. …

I knew I could count on you!

(All well with you, CA?)

Can't tell if joking.

In related news, Penn State's board of trustees just approved the largest tuition increase in the history of the school . . . .

Have you had any of Kanye's hip-hop infused olive oil?

Oh, really? And they did that on every play, Alex?