Dead Bath & Beyond

And this is why I love your writing... Any chance you can help me draft a response to a client email?

This explains why when I brought my Eclipse in to Discount Tire last week with a flat, they shot it. Thanks, Torch!

Here’s what I took away from this article:

Jason, it’s amazing what you come up with. Sometimes I wonder if you power through a few lines of coke and down 27 energy drinks every morning.

All of your ideas need to be unrestrictedly fast-tracked to implementation phase. Humanity is at stake here. This could single handed solve all of the Global Warmings issues.

My first impression, given the sedan proportions. Lights are no help, but my gut says Lincoln Town Car.

Disappointed to see that this was merely a car transporting a grill and not a car equipped with a functioning propane grill inside like the headline seemed to suggest. Oh, well. It’s Florida we’re talking about, so there’s always tomorrow.

Last I checked we were at least an acre of waterfront internet.

You forgot the most important part about how to get on with life afterwards: start collecting bottlecaps.

Parked, then ran.

I also like the “maybe I can just drive away from the fire” technique for dealing with it.

DARTZ loses this round, as The Beast this year was installed with whale penis for its interior.