As a person born after 1990 I once again feel that I have to apologize for my generation.

Attack while its tail's up!








It's gonna counterattack with its laser!

Hey, even if the accent was wrong I think we should be impressed that Hector Salamanca's actor was able to ring his bell with any accent at all.

"Some black people are uneducated, therefore: all black people are uneducated, violent and promiscuous. This proves I'm wise!"

I've been increasingly tempted, after reading about Evangelical Christian films and novels, to write one of my own, filling it with as many awful dog whistles as possible, and try to get it published by actual Evangelical publishers. It seems like that industry only rewards the barest minimum of effort.

I haven't seen that movie either, but preemptively heaping praise on it seemed like a cheap and fast way to win approval.

…look, I'm just trying to be unaccountably cynical about the Oscars while being undeservedly smug about my taste in animated movies. Why don't you want me to have this?

Man, just you watch. Your Name is going to get muscled out of the nomination by something like Boss Baby, so Cars 3 is going to win by default because all it'll have to go against will be Minions sequels and Dreamworks movies.

What, were they afraid Disney didn't have enough of an unbreakable stranglehold on that award?

"It's just honey, Bumblebee."

Back when Deep Dream was all newfangled, somebody shoved a scene from Fear and Loathing into it. It was a lot like this, but when somebody's torso fleetingly morphed into a giant cockroach I felt physically ill.

I have marched through the deepest depths of Zelda Madness and have emerged stronger and wiser.

There are elementary-level spells that cause their targets to literally explode. They are never used against a living thing in the books or films, for some reason.

I played DS1 first, I'm in my mid-20s (goddammit, I was going to say early 20s but that's just not true anymore) and I am a cat person.

So The Old Hunters is still the best piece of Dark Souls DLC, huh? I mean, Dark Souls 3 doesn't even have a Whirligig Saw.

http://i.imgur.com/pqYrP.gif

Is a B+ "hating" now? Damn, if you have kids, they must dread getting report cards.

Maybe it's the Dark Souls in me, but I almost never take a swing at one without having done a perfect dodge slow time attack blitz thing. I also spent about half an hour trying to tame one, once I discovered you could mount them, before realizing that mounting them is just a way to get a few free hits on them.

I've cleared two of the four dungeons (the elephant and the salamander) and the claymore is a Royal Claymore that some Moblin on Death Mountain was playing with. I suppose it would be helpful to use against Lynels but its generally more expedient to just run past those fuckers.

I got my Switch last week, so I will be continuing to tumble deeper into the depths of Zelda Madness. Will I stop everything else to a standstill as I scurry about, trying to find the damn Korok on top of this mountain? Will I walk across, on foot, an entire coastline, trying to find the landmark that matches this…