Producer: “Cue up something for the loss of Roy Halladay.”

/Cam Newton nods head vigorously

That’s some top flight jinx work there, well done!

Juicero died so the Juice could be free.

If you had asked me that when I was a new mother, I would have told “mommy porn” would be me watching someone else (anyone- I have no standards) clean my house, do laundry and change diapers while I rest for just one fucking minute.

He tried some speech-to-text software once and his computer exploded.

Without a Johan Camargo rodeo catch in the bottom of the 9th, Blue might have very well won the game.

“Well then, have I got a girl for you. ...Oh wait, you said pitches.”

Don’t worry. The coach ended up getting what he deserved when he later found pee-pee in his Coke.

Since Rickey made his debut for the A’s in June ‘79, is your book about Rickey?

Hell, even a collegiate summer league team is fun. Cheap tickets, typically bleachers are like $5, cheap food & beer, and games are usually played at night after like 6 or 7.

Chicago Bulls guard Michael Jordan and East Dillon Lions QB Michael B. Jordan.

What about Bill Russell: center for the Celtics and shortstop for the Dodgers?

Bill Russell and Bill Russell.

+1 Richard Jewell

Ranch dressing is for city folk.

The stereotype that white people always carry ranch dressing around with them is not cool anymore. When you say ‘He’s already got his, that white boy over there’” don’t just fucking assume I’m carrying my own ranch dressing around with me you hurtful monster. I need it for my tenders and when you assume that I already…

One instance where changing speeds is not so effective...

+2.54

Should we talk about that pig eating his watermelon on wall-to-wall carpeting in somebody’s home? Also, I hate the hippos’ handler.