I prefer “thumbsucker” to “motherducker”. It’s how I’ve been singing the new Maroon 5 song. “This summer’s gonna hurt like a thumbsucker...”

Because I don’t know where else to put this and felt like I would have betrayed you all for not sharing. Ladies, gentlemen...today...I went Hamm. (that’s me on the far right).

Only at FSU can a QB punch a woman in the face and the response is “at least it’s better than the last guy.”

I’m a librarian. We don’t care what you read—we’re just happy you’re reading. Promise :)

I’m 28 and I cried six times TODAY. (Shut up, I was reading a really poignant book while working an unexpected grave shift, you guys would have cried too.)

I know right? My jaw dropped at that.

WHOA. Holly never signed a NDA? I know this is not my best moment, but......

I propose a radical feminist paramilitary group to go in and cut the balls off each and every one of these motherfuckers ( and Boko Haram, too.) We will also be known as Isis, Egyptian goddess and friend to slaves and the downtrodden. We will have matching embroidered jackets, too.

Dear NBC Executives:

It’s a star-off ya’ll

This isn’t really on topic, but I just want to say that it’s super cool that Jezebel and GM as a whole (as far as I know anyway) have been really really good about respecting Caitlyn Jenner’s transition and not misgendering her and shit. My respect has gone up a lot for you guys, since some other news sites (some of…

If Kate Moss called me a basic bitch I’d get it emblazoned on a t-shirt and proudly tell everyone the back story at every opportunity.

She’s just...I just...

I agree with Seinfeld and I don’t. None of of my favorite comedians or comedies could be considered totally P.C., and I think it’s very hard to be truly funny when you’re unwilling to take risks that might shock or offend someone. And I also agree that there’s a certain type of thinking that responds to politically…

“A girl can be friends with someone with a dick and not hop on it,”

Wait... Did you just make me like Ariana Grande?

“I promise,” Grenierwrote on Instagram, “there are strong female characters and I think women also like to have fun, just like the boys.”

Amy Schumer is simply the greatest. She has become a national treasure in no time at all.

So Gay marriage is pretty much like regular marriage? Got it!