"Look, there's no way this could have happened unless someone tampered with the bladder. You know it, I know it, so let's stop pretending it can, okay? Now please just sit down and stop mentioning the giant wet spot on my pants so we can finish this job interview."

Belichick could have paid more attention in school but he was too busy cheating.

Fuck Wilson. The dude just up and swims off at the first sign of rough weather. Some friend.

All of this could have been avoided had his caddie suggested a different club.

Weird, can you show me that link where the league already decided this?

Is he implying that there is an owner in the NFL that does not have a close relationship with Roger Goodell... the very man the owners hired to represent them? Huh?

It's true that the NFL likely will not punish the Patriots, but that's because the NFL doesn't have any damning evidence against them.

THAT'S NOT WHAT YOUR MOM SAID.

This customer is my rambling, over-clarifying soul-sibling!

No. Pineapple on pizza (certain types) is delicious.

HE GOT THREE DAMN CHANCES AFTER FUCKING UP. God damnit you apologists are fucking retarded. You all act like he got one DUI and they immediately banned him for life. Holy shit.

My boyfriend is sterile. I love it. I don't want kids and I always seem to find dudes who want them, so when my boyfriend and I met and got along like gangbusters AND then I found out he can't have kids, I was like, GOTTA LOCK THIS SHIT DOWN. And by lock it down, I mean we got some pets together.

Q: "Who signs that?"

I'd be perfectly content if I was infertile (I'm a guy, BTW). Then I wouldn't have to worry about having a kid, which is good, seeing as though I don't want any. ;) Maybe I should eat some plastic.

Meh. Not like we actually need more humans.

Let's say you broke all sorts of substance abuse rules, you have literally dozens of millions of dollars based on not drinking and drugging, a ruling you agreed to, and you can't stop drinking for a year or however long? Stop making excuses for this idiot. He is ruining his life because of his own decisions and you're…

Someone who has proven that they constantly make poor choices with it and their employer lets them return with the condition that they do not drink it.

Well said. I can't believe this guy.

I'd give it back not even because of some strict moral code, just because I work in a restaurant and losing money is fucking devastating. I couldn't imagine misplacing the deposit.

Five free meals. That's kinda of low.