Hey, have you heard what's been going on in Chicago the last two days?

Step one, protect the floor by placing your shit-stained anal sex sheets on the floor in front of your fireplace.........

A feel-good police story, any way you cut it.

Leaving his apartment this morning, James Dolan was asked for a comment:

That's a shame, I heard his finger painting career was really taking off.

But, Vanessa is like, "I could use a new ring........."

Don't do it Kobe.

I wouldn't promote that Joe Buck is buying my stuff unless the "total tool" crowd is your target demographic.

He wasn't really trying on the first ten shots.

I'm not being all judgey here, but you said go through your history and.........there's not much in the way of funny or hot takes. Of course that's subjective, but here's an example of one I thought was bad/not funny:

We Ain't Come To Paint

I would offer some advice but I'm color blindness.

Born (to) Dodge

I'm a stupid, maybe you can explain what that means.

What exactly did these suburban kids gain from this?

Only sport that a hall of fame bust isn't a badge of honor.

Coach: "For Christ's sake Tanner, you throw like Monica!"

D.C. Superior Court purists complained when it was suggested Anthony's deal be expanded to 64 t̶e̶a̶m̶s̶ hours.

I hear ya, Nick. It took me a long time to start flying again after my friend Goose died, but with some help from a friend of my dead dad, I was able to do it.

+ Two Thumbs Up