I suppose it is an easy mistake to make when they are all married to women who hate them.

Sounds terrific. You have the best words.

You know, we need more vague in our country, lots of great vague, we’re going to have the greatest vague and really vague the spirits of the Mexicans and the blacks. Vague even the gays. We’re going to have the best vague of any country in the country.

To me, her “calmness” was very similar to the way a horse trainer speaks to a spooked and dangerous animal. She couldn’t risk setting Officer Triggerhappy off on herself or her daughter.

It doesn’t matter what she would have done. If she had been hysterical they would have said she was putting on a show for the cameras.

When you’ve got a preconceived notion of how something is supposed to play out, suddenly everything looks ‘fishy’.

Can we all continue to laugh at him for fucking a pig?

The United Kingdom, not the British Empire. And there’s only one ‘t’ in ‘Scotland’.

#ShoutYourLasikEyeSurgery

Even worse, I am sorry I am being punished for my actions that I secretly still think are right.

It’s probably the “sorry I got caught” type of remorse.

Collins said in court papers she’s now remorseful for her actions.

MOST of the time when I lose a word I can think of all the words that sound like it, or all the words than mean the same. So in forgetting “umbrella” I am left with rain hat, rain bowl, parasol, mozzarella, antenna... you get the idea. I’m usually just grunting and going “YOU KNOW THE THING, IT’S ON A METAL STICK IT…

Ahahahahahaha. Of course.

She’s from Australia. I would fuck her. As I said she is from Australia and you have to think about what that means: she is Australian. I would, in fact, fuck her.

No joke I asked for “hard water” once when I was around 20 weeks. When I got a blank stare I said, “WATER. BUT HARD. YOU KNOW? WITH CORNERS?”

Additional evidence: At our 4th of July BBQ, 18 weeks pregnant, I couldn’t remember the word “cake” and tried explaining to my confused husband that I wanted a slice of “sugar bread.”

I stopped watching OITNB (temporarily), but I love Poussey and Taystee, however I can get them. Even if it’s a Buzzfeed product.

your face pretty much became public property once you got famous.

You have to realize just how radical it was that this nobody, who looked not so much like the sort of actress who would star in a Tom Cruise movie as the personal assistant to the sort of actress who would star in a Tom Cruise movie, was suddenly…starring in a Tom Cruise movie.

I wasn’t aware that a racial equivalent of a ‘guy’s girl’ existed.