Just what a 61 year old needs, the HGH fueled grueling superhero workout and diet regiment that is causing liver problems and wild health swings in guys half his age.

Joe is their leader

"After a while, even the young women and men who used to look up at their Nick Jonas posters and imagine getting naked with him may get bored with actually seeing, over and over, what they’d built up so much in their imaginations."

It was likely posted elsewhere, and I'm sure you'll see it a hundred more times in the days to come, but…

Thank god there are no prominent children of conservative figureheads who have avoided military service, or they would really have egg on their face.

"for heaven's sake" is such a disparate qualifier. Throws off the tone up to that point. Vonnegut sure knows how to unseat you while still moving you

This joke screams 30 Rock in the best way

All we have to remember it by now is the cryptic "move-over-beyonce-nick-cave-doing-lemonade-creepy"

Yeah, I think "that's a-Newswire Bingo!!"

It's actually an unrelated article.

Yeah, really not whatever. The aimless snark will still hit an unworthy target with a really insensitive sting sometimes, and this is one of those times.

"Langdon Alger? Oh, I don't like him anymore."

Well, what's he going to do? Not comment on a Newswire? This is The A.V. Club for god's sake!

Hey, don't let them know what you're against and what you're for.

Articles about these lawsuits are so pointless.

I've not even seen that commercial and I'm laughing out loud of your re-telling of it.

"…which de facto extend into our extracurricular lives…"

Phase One

There's an iteration of this joke where a Clydesdale comes in after and says something similar but that would be putting Descartes before the horse

Argue against suicide as defeatism in the face of an absurd existence instead of contend that to kill one's self would be a dereliction of moral duty - and indeed that the man who has lost everything and yet lives is a paragon of his kind?