No one cares about your boner.

And someone should probably tell Pitt about its brand new membership in the Big Ten!

This kid’s opinion of his own importance is absurdly out of phase, but I will not, repeat not, tolerate any ill will toward the outstanding Pilatus PC-12 turboprop aircraft. You take that back, right now, good sir.

Get your shit together, Sony. You’re charging for PSN now, so here’s a thought: Maybe it shouldn’t be offline twice a month and down like clockwork on holidays.

Who's your favorite umpire? Mine is Laz Diaz, he's always the star of the show. Do you have all their autographs yet? Hey sorry, gotta go, one of my favorite crews is working Arizona-San Diego tonight so I booked round trip tickets and bought $700 seats in the front row. Go Blue!

That’s not actually true either. Some MLB parent organizations do indeed own one or more of their minor league affiliates.

Sucks she wouldn’t do an interview. This probably didn’t help!

I just dropped by to say @moscaddie is the greatest, and long may she reign.

Do Gawker Media writers get paid a bonus every time they respond to their own points with short, exclamatory phrases meant to be humorous? Was this why you unionized? It probably is!

My female kitty (Amelia) produces more than her fair share of hair. Her nemesis is also the cat brush I use to fix this. She HATES that brush. She actually cries - “mew! mew! mewwwwww!” when I'm brushing her and it makes me feel SUPER guilty. Damn you, you fox-eared asshole.

Get a Roomba. Problem solved. Best $250 I’ve ever spent.

Thanks to everyone for cleaning up my mess. #westcoastbias

Compared to California procedure, that’s really interesting. Then again, New York calls their trial courts “supreme” courts so I don’t know what to believe. It’s human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria!

That’s not the suit, Kevin. I’m not sure it’s even possible to plead a case in only two pages. The factual and legal allegations you’re looking for would be set forth in the Complaint, which is currently unavailable. And yes, I looked. My guess is ESPN designated it confidential, so it stays sealed until the court…

“Good evening, and welcome to tonight’s matchup between the Los Angeles Raiders and Green Bay Packers! We’re coming to you live from (sigh) the L. Ron Hubbard Tom Cruise David Miscavige Church of Scientology Athletics Center Presented By The Scientology Celebrity Center in Beautiful Hollywood!”

So, is it Soso or Sosa? Pick a lane, Nadkarni!

That Dick Allen comparison has been all over the web (and a certain Chicago sports talk station, like, I don’t know, the one that frequently says ‘out-of-town stupid’) for weeks. If you’re gonna take others’ work to try to make yourself seem smart, at least credit them when you do.

Your printable PDF link redirects to a sales pitch for CBS All Access.