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"It's a very emotional time for all involved, and it is the reason my handlers finally forced me not to participate in today's race at Watkins Glen even though I didn't think it was a big enough deal to keep me out until just a few hours ago."

ESPN has decreed this was not Tony Stewart's fault:

Don't forget Jimmy Fallon clips!

and stuff like rewriting Gawker's ExamSoft article to add nothing and proclaim his own exam taking choices as superior. I searched that whole article in vain for a point.

Puig gets an assist from Castillo's catcher's mask, running interference on the second tag attempt. If that mask isn't there he's probably out.

This had the cadence of a joke.

RT @ClevelandGroundsCrew @MLB He's still shitty.

Yahoo! Answers for Hoosiers:

TALK MOAR FOOD, RECIPE BOY!

And with that, Michael McDonald named his next album: Yacht Cock.

Not dead, but dormant: Fire Joe Morgan. At least Fremulon lives on.

SHOW SOME HUMILITY YOU DAMN ROBOT

Jae-Kuk Ryu says it only counts if you're aiming for it.

Please, no more coub. The player is garbage, spins endlessly on my phone, and I'm not installing their shitty app and leaving a webpage just to play an embedded video. Kinja's player is far from great, but at least it plays the video without a bunch of bullshit to wade through. Do you guys miss RealPlayer or something?

This latest non-sequitur both 'exceeds' quality trolling levels and does 'not approach' them, since those are synonyms. In fact I'm not sure you're human but rather a computer which is programmed to respond to human input with a randomly selected response, ignoring such foolish human constructs as context and

Ooh I see what we're doing now. Let me try. The Padres are reaching Boutros Ghali levels of ineptitude, since that's something that also has nothing to do with no-hitters that happened in 1910!

RIP Friendzone. :(

It's about time that more courts started taking this shit seriously.

I hope this is a reference to the book and website, otherwise this is the most unoriginal 'joke' about this story possible. http://www.fieldofschemes.com