The dead end was frustrating, because, as a fat feminist, I was hungry to find out who the original poster could be so I could then eat them.

My cousin has been shown being arrested on local news twice this year which means he too has been on tv more than David Spade.

“Upon arrival, officers were confronted by a combative subject resulting in the discharging of the officer’s weapon, fatally wounding two individuals.”

A+ for use of the passive voice, Chicago police. “The police shot and killed a mentally ill teenager and an unrelated woman” sounds a lot worse than “the accidental discharging of the officer’s weapon, resulting in the fatal wounding of two individuals.” Man, I hate it when my weapon just spontaneously discharges,…

She’s like a suburban high school boy who just discovered weed and thinks it’s the coolest thing so he decides he’s going to be known as the “weed guy” and buys marijuana themed medallions and clothes IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW. But everyone else has also tried it and is like “just be cool man.”

I got a design-your-own vinyl Stormtrooper helmet! AND ice cube molds in the shape of skulls, which are fucking BAD ASS.

“Hi, I’m Miley Cyrus and I do drugs.”

Or worse than a vegetarian at a meat-eater xmas dinner.

I got my niece a marshmallow gun complete with a giant bag of marshmallows. My brother and SIL looked absolutely pissed.

Did she also buy you the candy? Because that would be next level aggressively passive aggressive.

The power went off on Christmas Eve Eve last year and I was totally prepared. I had a forehead light, one I could hang from my pants pocket and several regular flashlights. I am into it, however, I would like some other present flashlight wise. Knife-wise I get a variety, some swiss army, some pocket, some kitchen and…

I got books, a meditation kit (meditation doesn’t come easily to me for some reason), the original and not edited ET, and a Wonder Woman shirt. Also money from Mom, so I can buy myself some boots and wrist guards. (She asked what I wanted, I told her, she said “go get them yourself” basically.)

My dad has bought me and my sister a knife of some sort and a flashlight of some sort every year for the past almost 20 years. I wish he would get me a car emergency set. Especially since he is always telling me to check my tire pressure and oil and all that jazz.

OUR DAUGHTER IS PREGNANT!!!We are all so happy we could burst! Our present was a sonogram picture! Best Christmas ever in the history of Christmases! Best wishes to all!

My dad bought me a set of jumper cables and taught me how to use them. Last time I had to ask someone for a jump, it was a guy, and he tried to help me but I had to tell him that “...um, red is positive and black is negative, so...”

I watched that one for the first time yesterday! I loved it. It’s getting added to my rotation of cheesy Christmas flicks.

I HAVE COMPLAINTS DAMMIT

Well, it’s practical...

My mom bitched, and moaned and complained before I even started to make the dinner. She bitched and moaned the whole time I was making it, until I yelled at her to get out of the kitchen.

Hey Jezzies, merry Christmas! Mine has been crappy so far (working when I thought I wouldn’t have to, sick dad, no real plans to celebrate Christmas this year, literally no chance yet to have some quiet time to myself) and looks to continue on in a crappy way (seriously, where is my quiet time to myself?) bur I have…