It’s been decided! I’m going to a place 3 stops from my apartment, so it’s not much of a commitment. I will drink ONE drink (I’m a lightweight). I will dance like nobody’s watching, because nobody will be because I don’t have anyone I know to call me out, lol.

Did you write this on my iPhone?

Just last night I was kind of feeling sorry for my upstairs neighbor. I know he has a girlfriend, but I’ve only heard them having sex like twice since I moved in 9 months ago. I was hoping he spent a lot of time at her place since he has a roommate.

also nolan’s stroke game is weak af bye

So sort of a GOOP, but instead with the following substitutions:

Great piece, Ellie. It's fascinating to see so much pining for such a grade a scumbag. That quote from 2004 is very telling. He's set up some mindset within the company that his crazy, fucked-up personal genius is the only thing that can keep it in balance. "A union for me to compete with would only hurt employees,…

My brother was the result of an unplanned pregnancy. My mom was pretty upfront about it, but in a kind way. That still didn’t stop me as a kid from tormenting my brother over it.

*slowly shoves wristlet into depths of closet*

Every band has their Ginger Spice.

Voldemort is going to be PISSED that y'all are still alive.

(Also these are lovely.)

I think the general thought here is: tattoos represent a particular place in your life. You have to make your peace with having that place on your body, always, good or bad, when you get it. I have a couple of tattoos that were related to horrible events, like deaths or breakups, and though I don't feel that pain…

"Sorcia, I'm in love with your best friend [a dude with a hilariously ridiculous name that I cannot post here]. We're moving to Virginia and I hope you'll be happy for us."

I had accidentally lost a friend's favorite book and was too embarrassed to tell him so I told my boyfriend to keep it to himself as I stalled, hoping I would either find it or be able to replace it before he asked me to return it. Our (mutual) friend admitted that my boyfriend had spilled the beans a long time ago.…

I tell people my dog died. It makes them feel like shit. I started this a few years ago and it brings me great joy!

Try as I might, I can't see anyone but Karl Lagerfeld here.

He only renounced it because he heard that Canada was having a meeting and they were going to revoke it anyway.

Ugh. As a former retail worker, I feel bad for the employees who are going to have to explain this policy change to very angry shitty asshole customers. Despite signs. Fuck.

It's the "good guy" shtick.

I just had to push that one out of the nest.