The ovaries want what they want, man.

she “dyed my hair blue. Mom wasn’t a fan of this decision. She took one look at me and immediately went out to the nearest drugstore to buy a $10 box of Nice’n Easy. That night, she forced me to dye my hair back to blond.”

Let’s just talk logistics: there is zero way a teenager with a box of Nice & Easy dye could go from blue to blonde, especially with fresh blue dye. Zero. Zip. Not happening. Anyone who has ever dyed their hair ever would know this.

You mean these?

When we first moved to Florida I was sitting at the computer at the front of the house. The cats tore past me with horrified looks on their faces. I got up to see what the problem was- it was a family of wild turkeys standing in the back deck peering into the windows.

Well, it would be a monocle if this was published in The New Yorker

Cosigned terrible person here, I was thinking water balloons but super soaker drone is inspired!

I’m a terrible person so I’d probably work on a way to mount an ice water super-soaker to a drone and then sit at the window with my binoculars, remote control and kazoo for playing “Flight of the Valkyries”.

Oh dear. No. No no no. Especially with the mustache here. He looks like he’s two seconds away from trying to lure her into his van.

I’d go with like Daniel Dae Kim or another Asian actor, preferably wearing a fat suit and whiteface, in order to pay him back all the cultural appropriation debt Segal has accrued over the years.

There are a few Hollywood celebs that I would be really surprised to find out are sexual predators. Steven Seagal is not among them.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Around five years ago, I was a TA for an undergraduate literature course that had 300 students; there were two TAs and our job was mostly to do grading (sigh) and hand out exams and set up PowerPoints and stuff of that nature. Basically, assist the professor in all manner of tedium while she lectured. Due to a…

Right before I turned 21 I moved to a new city, transferred colleges, and got an apartment by myself. I picked a place out on the third story of a rambling old Victorian mansion - a modest studio with white metal cabinets from the 1950's and a rusted fire escape which always gave me bad feelings. It was metal, and…

Lol animals are the worst, they will fuck with you, no joke.

My childhood home was in a small town in Indiana. It was a beautiful blue Dutch Colonial home in a neighborhood lined with huge old pine trees. Our house had been built in the 1800s and I always had a sense that it was haunted. The neighborhood was filled with kids my age and all the families got together for summer…

Ok, I love this time of year, so forgive the new account, but I wanted to tell the story my grandmother told me. I can’t vouch for it completely, but she’s a very no-nonsense woman and I’ve never caught her in a lie (besides maybe how many martinis she’s had). Anyway, we’ll call her Betty. Betty grew up in Kansas in…

I dont even understand ghosts.