Old Guy in Bar: Man, that little black girl is something.
Other Guy in Bar: My God, Matheny could use a girl like that, am I right?
Guy Wearing Rams Hat: Right? I mean, check out the arm she's packing! And that motion, as she rears back and fires—
Police Officer: [Wheels; shoots TV five times; removes nametag]

Its actually Ray Albers, apparently:

The cop was later asked to write an essay on exemplary policing for the Washington Post.

St. Louis is so devoid of anything fun to do, that citizens flock to Nashville for crazy bachelor / bachelorette party weekends, guy's weekends, etc. People from here call it "Nash-Vegas". That's how bad St. Louis is.

"No corporations are going to be lining up to pay them money out of high school."

"So we figured, hey, let's draw attention to racial inequalities in America by walking hand-in-hand out from this inflatable thing with a purple injun on it."

Cleveland receivers made the same gesture, but only because Johnny Manziel kept throwing the ball way the fuck over their heads.

The tear gas element of the tribute, however, seems a bit too on-the-nose for me.

I'm usually pro-middle finger. However, there is one exception. If your flipping of the bird reveals a tattoo for Drake's record label on your wrist, it become a disgusting gesture that I would never want my children to see.

it was hilarious, and honestly if you are making your kid watch the redskins-browns preseason game, you're a shitty parent and your kid is doomed anyways....

His annual report will read all of five words, "The stock is doing good."

I have the death sentence on 12 systems!

Today's LEO considers the citizens of the United States as enemies.

I was at the 2010 Browns game. The worst thing (besides watching them lose on my birthday) was hearing Saints fans boo Scott Fujita upon his return as a Brown.

AND HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MANY PUSHUPS HE CAN DO???

the point is to nitpick the follies and screw-ups of the teams we actually love because FOOTBALL has been conditionally shoved into our brainwashed minds. Roger Goodell is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.

See, there was this HBO show called The Wire. People seemed to like it quite a bit (especially white people), and would enthusiastically recommend it to all their friends and coworkers. In hindsight, I see where Drew's reference might have been confusing if you'd never had a job or friend.

I believe you know him as James Carville, but he is real, and he is Cajun.

What gives Drew? I was expecting way more vitriol. Was the gumbo really that good?

i work as an engineer and once had to call an inspector in louisiana and when i accidentally called them "counties" and not "your precious unique parish" he hung up on me and refused to answer future calls. louisiana sucks