Meanwhile, last night my three year old, unprompted by me, played a pretend game in which he flew with a balloon to Iceland and met Bjork in her home office and gave Bjork his balloon. (Standing in for Bjork was my husband, who was making dinner at the time. He received the pretend balloon very graciously, as Bjork…

We just use the stairs. It wasn’t even conscious like “I shall employ Supernanny’s Naughty Step technique” it was just like “omg fuck this, kid you have to go ELSEWHERE until you can chillax. What’s carpeted [to pad any flailing/casting himself down on the floor due to injustice] and AWAY FROM ME? Oh, the bottom step.…

Somehow, this... does not actually seem like a serious question. I’ll bite, though.

I have a Google Map that has restaurants I want to try. There are layers for price point, and I add notes to the locations saying what the hours are and my general assessment of how vegetarian-friendly the place is (we’re pescatarians).

Well, you do sound like you’re fun at parties, I’ll give you that.

Define ‘professional.’ Are you one of those blowhards who think that only c-suite level people are professionals and everyone else are just drooling drones put on this earth to be used by their Masters? Because you’re kind of coming off like that.

My morning routine begins with my preschooler coming in and jumping on my full bladder. It’s really all up hill from there.

Generally I’m in agreement here and I have a 3-year-old myself but... it is not true that wearing a baby magically makes them quiet and unobtrusive. A baby with colic will scream inconsolably whether worn by mom or rocked in a chair or held over a volcano. That’s just how babies roll.

Amazon. Search for “acoustic sheep”.

My first pair, my husband ran over the cord with the vacuum and broke them and I was absolutely lost without them. They’re expensive, so it hurt my butt a little to shell out for a new pair, but there’s really no other way to live if you’re an overthinking mild insomniac.

I listen to podcasts or audiobooks that have nothing to do with whatever it is that is stressing me out. I usually set the sleep timer for 30 minutes or so, and I use these fantastic sleep headphones:

Quite Ugly One Morning read by David Tennant is a delight.

Also, I would be willing to bet five Schrutebucks that the majority of dudes know exactly what these social cues mean. They are choosing to ignore them because they think that the social contract doesn’t apply to them in cases where the other signee of said contract is female.

“Please leave me alone” or “Please go away” usually is met with a “fuck you very much, bitch” response so, hard pass on inviting insults into my day. How about dudes learn and understand incredibly common social cues?

I think super ripped bros are just trying to justify not doing something they don’t like/aren’t naturally good at. Elite male distance runners tend to be petite. Running when you’re super bulked up is hard and bad for your joints. So they decided they wanted to be ripped and that’s great but it’s sort of mutually…

Your toe problem sounds like fungus. It’s a bitch.

My first 5k was a couple weeks ago and it’s my city’s gigantic “fun” annual race. There’s a walkers option for the 5k as well as runners, and they both start at the same time. At the starting line, the people on the megaphones kept telling the walkers to please line up at the back, runners to the front. I stationed my…

Literally everything? Movies, popular music, games, their friends, radio DJs, everyfuckingthing.

That looks like 2 lunches to me. But, I’m a woman under 5’6” and my daily caloric intake is under 1400 kcal. One sandwich plus a piece of fruit or small bag of chips is a pretty big lunch. Usually I have a packet of tuna (1 serving, 70 cal) and 3 slices of Wasa crispbread. And we have a candy dish at work so I’ll have…

I’ve done work in Catholic schools that are 100% black. It really depends.