My morning routine begins with my preschooler coming in and jumping on my full bladder. It’s really all up hill from there.

Generally I’m in agreement here and I have a 3-year-old myself but... it is not true that wearing a baby magically makes them quiet and unobtrusive. A baby with colic will scream inconsolably whether worn by mom or rocked in a chair or held over a volcano. That’s just how babies roll.

Amazon. Search for “acoustic sheep”.

My first pair, my husband ran over the cord with the vacuum and broke them and I was absolutely lost without them. They’re expensive, so it hurt my butt a little to shell out for a new pair, but there’s really no other way to live if you’re an overthinking mild insomniac.

I listen to podcasts or audiobooks that have nothing to do with whatever it is that is stressing me out. I usually set the sleep timer for 30 minutes or so, and I use these fantastic sleep headphones:

Also, I would be willing to bet five Schrutebucks that the majority of dudes know exactly what these social cues mean. They are choosing to ignore them because they think that the social contract doesn’t apply to them in cases where the other signee of said contract is female.

“Please leave me alone” or “Please go away” usually is met with a “fuck you very much, bitch” response so, hard pass on inviting insults into my day. How about dudes learn and understand incredibly common social cues?

I think super ripped bros are just trying to justify not doing something they don’t like/aren’t naturally good at. Elite male distance runners tend to be petite. Running when you’re super bulked up is hard and bad for your joints. So they decided they wanted to be ripped and that’s great but it’s sort of mutually…

Your toe problem sounds like fungus. It’s a bitch.

My first 5k was a couple weeks ago and it’s my city’s gigantic “fun” annual race. There’s a walkers option for the 5k as well as runners, and they both start at the same time. At the starting line, the people on the megaphones kept telling the walkers to please line up at the back, runners to the front. I stationed my…

Literally everything? Movies, popular music, games, their friends, radio DJs, everyfuckingthing.

That looks like 2 lunches to me. But, I’m a woman under 5’6” and my daily caloric intake is under 1400 kcal. One sandwich plus a piece of fruit or small bag of chips is a pretty big lunch. Usually I have a packet of tuna (1 serving, 70 cal) and 3 slices of Wasa crispbread. And we have a candy dish at work so I’ll have…

I’ve done work in Catholic schools that are 100% black. It really depends.

Music got me through learning to run, finding what different paces equaled as far as my ability and distance, and helped with the run/walk intervals I used to get myself to 5k, but in the last month or so I’ve switched over to podcasts and audiobooks. Now I know I can just put one foot in front of the other and adjust…

Hounds, dude! My bottomless pit was a black and tan coonhound. He never met a foodstuff he would not happily eat forever. When we first got him, we accidentally left a 25 lb. bag of dog food somewhere that he could get to it and then left the house for about an hour. When we returned, he’d eaten about half the bag,…

I had a dog sort of like this. He wasn’t as keen on the non-edible items, and he was real dumb so he never figured out how to open shit, but if there was something edible anywhere accessible to him, he’d eat it. All of it. Until it was literally coming back out of both ends. Thank god for him being dumber than a box…

My guy was 2 weeks overdue and his nails were sooooo loooooong by the time he was born, and trying to cut them was like defusing a goddamn bomb. It’s just one item on my long, long list entitled “Why I Only Have One Child.”

So clearly I want to work for Harvard? Because at the large university I work at, the people who hold the reigns of the institutional credit cards WILL CUT YOU if you do not meticulously document every purchase and sign all things in triplicate.

Really?! Every time I’ve tried to make a go of using an agent to try and get a better price, the best they can do is like twice as much as just me using kayak.com. I’ve even walked into travel agent offices and explained why I was coming to them and they were just like, “Yeah no, no price you get here will be…

It happened to me when I was a kid. My parent (can’t remember if it was mom, dad, or both) got out of the car to open the garage door but forgot to put the parking brake on. The car was in neutral and started to roll backwards. Fortunately, it just rolled out into the alley and there weren’t any other cars coming, and…