Renting always makes sense! I love renting.

A little tangential but if you haven’t read this, you must because it is amazing and Mallory Ortberg is my foreverqueen: http://the-toast.net/2016/04/18/fat…

Michelle Obama is not going to hump you back.

MDMA? Speed? Not my GenX.

I simply say “I’m glad that it works for you”.

And yet they never taught us how to fold them. #thestrugglewasreal

OMG this is SO freaking AWESOME!!!

BARBARA LEE.

Everything about this makes me weep for the human race....but most of all, the fact that Kara is busy and can’t scream in his face at Jessica Biel’s restaurant is the worst part of it all.

I once ditched a boring ass Mormon wedding and drove 2 hours to a punk rock show bc I wanted to bang the guitarist. I did, in fact, bang him. And 10 years later I married the drummer.

Like “DECAPITATION STORY BELOW, STOP NOW IF YOU LOVE CAPS.”

Luna Simone is a beautiful name.

It’s definitely not shade. The use of ‘shade’ here is annoying as hell.

“I can’t even say she’s vanilla, because vanilla is actually delicious.”

My favorite thing about Johnny Toews is that he celebrates goals and Cup/Gold medal wins like he’s still disappointed in himself for being a little slow on his backcheck and allowing a 3 on 2 in the 1st period so he mimes what he thinks a celebration should look like based on decades of watching hockey film under the…

“Pushups and lunges.”

Your comment came out in 2016 and it's still worse than anything that will be written for the next 100 years.

+1 tampered evidence bag

This is still way less intense than Kane’s sleepovers, which involved a brief wrestling match before going to bed.

That story could be from last Saturday and I’d still believe it.