That’s it! Eloping to Minnesota and explaining to people it didn’t feel right having a big to do as long as the walleye stocks are down.

Do you actually manage to conform to all the stereotypes of doing womanhood right? I always wonder when I see a comment like yours, has this person really never been on the other side of this and had a defensive response to all the cultural messaging and social pressure telling them they’re doing it wrong? Or do you…

I’ve spent over 20 years carefully plotting how to avoid planning a wedding. Not getting engaged works well.

Only if Deadspin follows me first.

Why is “Filed to: BECKY” so damn funny?

Unless your model rating system is heavily weighted in favor of “would trust to babysit my children,” you are wrong.

You left out the worst part. After demonstrating that persistence can damn well get you anything he does not attempt to do anything else of significance for the rest of his life.

I use Mitchum. It’s the best.

The writing is below average for Burneko, but the opinion, as always, is correct.

I much prefer your answer on the pants question.

Counterpoint: I worked at a fancy country club and it was very easy to steal booze.

There is nothing sarcastic about my anticipation of Kara applying a “this is a Star War” gloss to futbol.

That will involve recommendations for your Chipotle order.

I really needed more time to brainstorm the perfect use of Drew Magary on the lady blog. Looking forward to Bobby Finger’s thoughts on Steph Curry and Kara Brown’s confused reporting on cool things that happened in a far away soccer match.

The participants in that Nintendo story all seem to be very confused, lashing out in contradictory ways. My feminist heart does not bleed for “I *wanted* the boob slider” gal. (And I’d be willing to bet her moonlighting gig involved producing the sort of content Nintendo did not want to be associated with. Yes, her…

My response to the headline was — first grade? Third grade girls I can totally see this, but first grade seems a bit young.

I feel like an outlier whenever this is discussed because even though I wasn’t raised in a family or faith tradition that stressed modesty, I definitely came to it on my own in terms of valuing clothing choices that disguised the nature of my (not bad by most standards) figure from casual observers. I was rarely…

Kobe Bryant purchased a purple diamond ring for his wife several days after being charged with sexual assault.

No, plenty of us can grasp deadpan sarcasm without font cues. People aren’t obnoxious jerks just because they created something you don’t understand. What’s obnoxious is demanding that all discourse be dumbed down to your level as a matter of etiquette. (This is my sincerely held belief.)

That was rape. :(