the most surprising part is that this DIDN'T happen in Florida

Don't you hate when you walk back to your car after shopping, pop the trunk to put the groceries inside, and come face to face with the corpse of your neighbor? That will ruin your whole afternoon! And it's what one woman in Los Angeles says happened to her at a local Walmart.

Well, I guess you could say, that she had some dead weight in the trunk...

I mark my Titleist with a can opener, an Avicii Live in Atlanta 2012 ticket stub, a 3 year old unwrapped condom, and enough molly to even get Dustin Johnson high.

"I've found your ball. It's the one marked Testicle 3."

57. Mike Ditka, Shit-Sipper

If your BAC reads like an area code, you're gonna have a bad time.

Dunno. Who didn't sacrifice a close friend to the forces of darkness in exchange for money and fame?

Fuck that, I only play Call of Duty #MLG420YOLOSWAG69

Put another barbie on the shrimp.

I'm ready...

The amount of HGH in Florida's wastewater is becoming problematic.

Far from the first time that a dick has been on full display in Downtown Chicago.

"What? She used a vibrato out there?"

Buenofellas "Durante el tiempo que puedo recordar Yo siempre quise ser un gángster."

I love a good heist, too, but I have a bad feeling that all those miners are going to get stiffed for last month's pay. Hope not.

Did someone mention, "airport heist?"