literally everything is a sin when you’re catholic

Sort of. There was no will so the “executor” and his carnies didn’t get shit. We’re almost done with probate. I'm still in Stage III kidney failure; that wasn't from the infection but it didn't help.

Seafood before flying seems to be a bad idea.

He was a really nice fellow, kept an eye on the area. I used to give him my bus transfers, so he could could change locations if he wanted or sell them. When you see someone everyday, its hard to just ignore them....for me anyway.

I think my favorite part of this is that Quincy the neighborhood hobo walked you home. I mean...you had a neighborhood hobo named Quincy, and he was apparently a gentleman!

Better than Atlanta!

First grade. Catholic school. Sitting in morning mass, we stood up and I puked in the seat of the pew in front of me. That nun jerked me out of church so fast she almost separated my shoulder. The trip across the playground back to the classroom was her berating me for coming to school if I felt badly and me heaving…

Ah yes, I remember it well. Severe alcohol poisoning on a Chicago to London Heathrow flight. Puked up, then puked up black stuff, then puked up blood. Basically spent 7 hours in an airplane toilet, with The Fear and the vomiting and a drink related wound from the night before festering before my eyes. When I got off I…

I was overcome with horrible cramps and that hot-cold-sweaty-OMG-something-awful-is-about-to-happen feeling while shopping with my 9 year-old at Trader Joe’s. I told her to take the cart, and I was going to the bathroom at the back corner of the store. I sprinted, and made it just in time to avoid an embarrassing…

I have THE BEST BATHTUB in the world. It’s an antique iron, claw foot tub. When you fill it up with hot, hot water, the whole thing just radiates perfection. That bathtub is my refuge. That bathtub is my Fortress of Solitude. That bathtub makes awful days into cathartic tub cries.

I also love that they thought a pregnant woman passed out and started having a seizure AND STILL GAVE HER NO ASSISTANCE! Life is precious, my ass.

Worst place I ever got sick was camping in the Sierra Mountains with my family. After a week of camping, on our last night, I was struck with a really nasty stomach bug. We had spent the afternoon drinking margaritas, so when the first wave of nausea hit, I thought it was the tequila. But no. How I wish it had been…

mass must go on! that’s what i was told. the nurse at the er later was equally incredulous. google the sspx, they aren’t nice people.

I was in a band and on tour in the early 00’s. As we were leaving the western edge of Pennsylvania on our way to Dayton Ohio we gassed up at a station that had a hybrid Pizza Hut / KFC / and Blimpies food processing closet. Being a vegetarian roughly 5 hours from home I was overjoyed that the Blimpies, 1/3 of this…

When I was 11 I went on a trip to Disneyworld with my family. Luckily for us, a shuttle launch was happening at Cape Canaveral one of the nights we were there, about an hour’s drive away. So, the night of the shuttle launch, after a long day of Disney-ing, we piled into the rental car and drove towards Cape Canaveral.…

Last year my mother died suddenly. I had to fly across the country to try to sort out, well, everything. My brother was there and my mother’s friend, who thought he was going to executer who’s also brought over a bunch of what seems to be carnival workers to paw through my mother’s things. I’m physically unable to do…

Oh my gosh I’m actually here when a Pissing Contest goes up! And I have a story! The fates have aligned!

Okay, so, I was on a field trip, I was 10 years old, we were on a bus, I get bus sick. So, obviously, I threw up on the bus on a field trip aged 10. Boring story. EXCEPT! I _knew_ I was going to get sick, and when I…

A Wilson “Duke” Official NFL football sells for $99.99 at Target. So it is a pretty nice gift. And I think some leather cleaner should be able to get the autograph off.

“Sure, I appreciate it, Dad. Giving me a football with my own autograph on it just seems a little odd.”

Who picks a billion page book for a book club? At least read Moby Dick if that’s the way it’s going to be.