Somewhere M. Night Shayamalamadingdong is crying because he didn’t think of it first.

You know who loves Tipsy Girl Prosecco? Nigerian football teams, that’s who.

Does not everyone know that Taylor Swift is lesbian? Read about how she lives with her “best friend”.

Yeah, I'm posting this on every Amber Heard update. Deal with it.

I mean, this isn’t the first time Pete Campbell’s baby mama kept her pregnancy and delivery a secret.

Related: Bianca on Rich Kids made a comment about getting “David Foster-ed”: Left when the going gets rough.

Omg, i need to meet a cellist today.

GUYS, I HAVE BEVER BEEN MORE MAD @POVERTY FOR NOT LETTING ME DO THIS FOR MY MOM.

Kris telling Kim, “You were married for 72 days, that was like normal!” is the best thing I have heard all week.

From cheesyblasters

Happy birthday Mandy! Tangled is very underrated. Also, does anyone know what, “I’m missing you like candy,” actually means? Do people miss candy?

So the real question is: How did he pay for this? Did he save up all of his Keeping Up checks for this one ring or is it something he found in his brother-in-law’s couch?

I agree with so many things said in today’s tweets, but particularly Andy Richter’s. I am stickler about those carts too.

I mean... or we could refer to Anne Wojcicki’s own (not insignificant) accomplishments like 23andme and not treat her like another man’s former property. Please and thank you.

I’m not even going to try to top this.

It’s the face you make when someone accidentally drops a sexual innuendo in a super-serious office meeting and you want to laugh but you look around the room and realize you might be the only one who picked up on it... From here on out can we just call that the Stacy Dash?

I’m 100% sure she did not get the joke.

I also read a book. It was called 1984. It’s about this guy and his big brother.

The “it’s about architecture and architects” had me DYING.

(she would come into the coffee shop where I worked in high school at least once a week for a while there looking for new Beanie Babies).