i had wondered if you ascribed to dan savage's idea of a good mate.

Of course not. But you should at least be interested in discussing it. And yeah, there does have to be a certain level of reciprocity and it's important that both partners needs are met (within reason, again). But just a blanket rejection with no explanation and the other person is expected to give without anything in…

i'm not interested in fellatio and i will not perform it. i'm interested in cunnilingus though.

I was speaking for myself only. How you made the leap from me saying I think a certain way, to me allegedly consenting on behalf of every woman, is pretty fucking insane. I said it would be a dealbreaker FOR ME, and it's basic FOR ME.

I really wasn't using 'vanilla' in that sense. I'm not claiming to be any more or less adventurous than anyone, I was just trying to convey my feeling that, as far as sex acts go, we're not talking about anything out of the ordinary.

Who said that? I'd feel the same if a guy was disgusted or scared at the thought of going down on me. I'd at least expect him to be willing to talk about it. Yeah of course, there's stuff I can do without and we've all been in situations where the other person might not be into some of the stuff that turns you on and…

Forget the lines (and the snaggletooth), those eyebrows are a facial crime against humanity.

LOL yeah, I'm such a sex nazi for thinking that things like oral, intercourse and kissing are vanilla and considered pretty basic sex acts.

I admit, I was overly facetious in my initial comment. Still, I stand by my belief that - barring any past trauma (so it's clear, I'm not talking about people whose fears are based on past trauma), I do think it's a bit weird to be literally scared to go down on someone. And I wouldn't be able to stay with someone…

No, it's not just a dislike. It specifically says she's scared of someone coming in her mouth. I think that's different from simply not liking something. Either way, you don't have to agree with me but personally, if I were with a guy who was scared to go down on me, or didn't like it, that would be a dealbreaker - I…

And I'm sure lots of people would be fine with that. Personally, a guy who was scared of my vagina or (even worse) grossed out by it, and wasn't willing to figure out what's wrong or work on overcoming his phobia, would be a deal breaker, even if there's a reason he's scared.

I'm assuming that if the letter doesn't mention trauma, and neither does the advice columnist who is apparently a psychotherapist, it's because trauma is not an issue and the woman is literally just scared of having someone come in her mouth.

Yes but wouldn't you also say that if you were scared - as in literally a phobia - of what is considered a pretty basic sex act, that obviously stems from some kind of issue (either past experience or just irrational phobia) and that you should want to work on it and resolve it instead of just putting your foot down…

Disturb you how? Because I expect reciprocity when it comes to at least basic, vanilla sex acts? If a guy said to me that he absolutely would not go down on me because he's literally scared of my vagina (paging Dr. Freud), I totally would tell him to go to a therapist and work on what is either a) the result of past…

I know what Susan Sarandon is sucking and it ain't blood, or virginal. But it is young...

True.But it's a freaking blow job we're talking about, not anal or felching or fisting or golden showers. Seriously, if you're scared of sucking cock then you need to get your ass down to the therapist and work on your issues. I don't exactly look forward to blow jobs either but guess what, even if they don't do…

Actually the sink looks like it came out of the Disney Roman Bordello collection BUT the glaring contrast with the softsoap is no less egregious. If you're going to go all Louis XXXVIIth on your bathroom, at least get soap to match.

with a smattering of treasures from the Sky Mall catalogue.

It doesn't help that she's also really annoying.

Really? I didn't see any judgement in there. I do, however, see lots of judgement in your post about how going back to work after 10 weeks isn't good parenting.