Also: I was on a billboard in New York today, but I didn't want to be all conceited about it. Only like 10 thousand people got to be on it.

I may have been cheated on once, but the guy had a smallish dick that he couldn't keep up and he inevitably left me for a girl eleven years his junior who ... how can I put this diplomatically ... looked and dressed like Grimace on his way to a warehouse rave.

Girl I feel you if I'm giving up all the possible good dick out there for you, you better not be eating some other pussy because I will cut off your dick and choke you with it.

Me neither. Another one down!

We all know why Liza was REALLY going into treatment

1) who knew Kelly Ripa had a sense of humor about herself!

Jon Hamm really was built for this role. I've been loving him on a more recent show (I don't want to give away the surprise!) but it's similar to his part of 30 Rock, it revolves chiefly around the joke of how handsome he is, in part due to Mad Men. Although dude is also handsome and charismatic. It's somewhat amazing…

LOL, so funny, I'm wearing this right now.

With that much of a gap, I say that they had two tiny seasons to end it, and you can't make me believe that there was a "mid-season hiatus." It's been a year; it was a different season.

OMG YOU ARE SO RIGHT THIS IS IT.

Surprise, gentle, synth-y songs from two of my favourite musicians on the same morning? IT'S LIKE THEY KNEW I WAS DREADING TODAY and needed a little help getting through. Really though you guys, I'm waiting for news dropping sometime today that could potentially fuck my life up and I have no control over it whatsoever…

But seriously, which one looks better?

These customers remind me of the dumbest person I ever had walk through the doors of the Borders I managed after college.

Leslie Jones is living my DREAMS

Unpopular Opinion: I actually really like Kim's hair like this.

"Actual" satire?

You know... I hope she wins.

Are you sure they were for a sketch and not the after party?

Maybe this says something about me, but I just collapsed in a ball laughing after watching that sketch