Wait, isn't this the case everywhere? Either you have child care (nanny/daycare) or a stay-at-home parent and then start nursery school/preschool circa 3. I admit to being a New Yorker doing this with her child, but this doesn't feel New York-specific. I grew up exactly this way in suburban Detroit. Ain't nothin'…

But...why??? I've always maintained that if I had a penis, I would tear off one square to dab the end (truth: I've seen Mr. Slowtraincoming do this and that's how I know we're meant to be together). Why does he have to use the entire roll? When he takes a dump, does he just smear shit across the whole roll, toss it…

If I operated under the assumption that this was bullshit, I'd have to assume the same of all gossip items, and then I'd have no need to read them. And then what would I do with my free time?

I really wish Halle Berry would stop claiming this pregnancy was unplanned, unexpected, and accidental, at the age of 46. If she doesn't want to say, "I froze my eggs years ago because I really wasn't sure when I'd want children and it seemed the best option," totally fine. It's her health and her business. But…

If you don't conceive before August — your child will probably suffer from a weaker immune system, poorer vision and hearing, and slower cognitive development.

"Ed [Sheeran] and Taylor [Swift] are very close and that's why they've jokingly discussed the possibility of getting together if they're both on the market in seven years' time."

Sorry. I need some private time to uh, think over Andrew Garfield's comments. Yeah. Think 'em over. That's what I'll be doing. Please do not disturb.

Here's what: Elizabeth Hasselbeck is a moronic troll, but at least she identifies that way (well, she probably identifies as "an outspoken conservative woman." You say tomato, I say fuckwit). But Whoopi "Wear Clean Panties and You Won't Get Raped" Goldberg and Sherri "Of Course Gay Men Shouldn't Be Allowed to Donate…

And if bad tattoos are any indication, Harry Styles is already well on his way to jumping the very same shark that Bieber is catapulting over as we speak.

How do you not see spacing? Unless I'm having one of my mini-strokes, it's 4 separate numerals: I IX VII and V (I'm pretty sure it's supposed to say 1975. Some googling reveals his mom was born that year). What drives me BONKERS is that if he wanted 1975 it should read MCMLXXV, which looks a lot fucking cooler than…

I'm guessing the bald guy standing in front of Biebs is security or whatever, but I really, really prefer to think he's a perfect stranger who just could not look away from the seemingly impossible smallness of Bieber's cock.

Thank you! I actually needed this. I'm 9 months pregnant, meaning (a) my feet don't fit in anything but flip-flops (b) I can't reach my feet to pumice them even if I wanted to. My feet look busted as hell.

tired of fucking the same 13.8 million Texas women every night.

Word.

Thank you! (Also, "tummy time" is useful not just for making sure your baby has an extra-pretty-shaped head, Jez.) If sleeping on his back means my son looks like Eric Stoltz in "Mask," I'll take it. You know, as long as he's still fucking breathing.

It sounds like an abnormally shaped head is the least of this kid's problems.

As far as millennial women and our HPV, I have always been a person who rants and raves about people who hover over toilet seats and get pee everywhere because they're afraid of what you can get on a toilet seat. "YOU CAN'T GET ANYTHING FROM A TOILET SEAT! BUT I CAN END UP WITH A WET ASS FROM YOUR OVERESTIMATION OF…

My understanding from my OBGYN is that you shouldn't put any anti-bacterial soap on your business. There's nothing down there you should be trying to kill. Like any skin, your labia and pubic area in general can use a cleaning, but they don't need to be scrubbed and sanitized like your dishes.

Just when I thought The View couldn't get any more aggressively ignorant, they might add Jenny McCarthy?

I want a bumper sticker that says, "I roll deep with liberals and hippies and queers." Seriously, dude. You'd make a fortune.