“Unfortunately, we don’t comment on rumors or speculation other than to say that the Rumors album by Fleetwood Mac still holds up,” said an Obsidian spokesperson.

Not only has Helen been found, but she appears to have been lovingly cared for by her captor, who stole her in the first place because he

I think it’s adorable that you don’t see how this is a classic false flag (false fan?) operation. This is an “Astros” “fan”, but he’s in Colorado. Who is seated to his left? Colorado fans. To his right? Colorado fans. And lo and behold, who’s that directly in front of him? Crisis actor Gerardo Parra. Parra obviously…

It’s like saying “we need to examine this puddle more closely to see how deep it is”

All of these Brunch Belt media axis pieces about how “we need to try to understand these people!” conveniently ignore the fact that the nation’s big cities contain large populations of young college graduates hailing from the sorts of places that went 80% for Trump and understand Trump voters very well.

Well, that’s as American as it gets in 2017, now isn’t it?

Little know fact, back in the 1960s and 70s, men actually had tiny turkey brains so any time they showered there was always a risk that they would look up at the showerhead and open their mouths, thereby drowning in the process. Because women were too smart to do this, it was actually imperative they every man had a…

A fun thing to do when you’re bored is turn Simpsons quotes into Rupi Kaur poems.

Mazda Protege5. Room enough for activities, cheap, reliable, manual, wagon! Also Mazda so it will be fun to drive. See also BG Protege/323 from 90-94.

He should have Czekaj’d himself before he Wzekaj’d himself.

This is some uber dorky sci-fi fan fic.

How many times are you going to need to be beaten over the head with the fact that “freedom of speech” doesn’t mean “freedom from consequences of speech” before it sticks in your puny brain?

Jonah Muniz, Mabel Gondres, and Lorrie Pearson discuss their findings with local authorities.

“Never start blogging a transfer until it’s official!” shouts my two-week-old Nemanja Matic draft.

Did Deadspin finally kick Haisley to the curb on soccer coverage? Hallelujah!

Right?! This is 1-2 and everything else is a pretender.

10. Salt & Vinegar
11. Jalapeño