God, this sounds like “Searching for Mr. Larson” from the last season of Documentary Now!

Uecker’s line delivery is great enough, but the side-eye he gets from his color guy in the booth is what puts it over the top.

Gotcha. Yeah a school shooting movie would definitely not work.

I’m sure this is a minority opinion, but Max Von Sydow nailed that performance. No need for a remake of Needful Things.

Rage was written long before school shootings became a “thing,” though. Also, if I remember correctly (it’s been 20 years or so since I read it), only 1 person was actually shot....

In the land of short stories, there’s one where a dude gets mailed a box of little green army men, who come alive and attack him.

10 year suspended sentence (i.e., no time served) for threatening a family with a gun? Sounds about white.

No on the NBP question. The compilation CD/record has a long and noble history, but I never list them with the albums from an artist. Nirvana: Insecticide is not an album, Smashing Pumpkins: Pisces Iscariot is not an album. 

I’m seeing him in 5 days with the Violent Femmes, which is such a great pairing for a tour. 

the worst of the 4 BFF albums (yes, I’m putting the reunion album above it), and it’s still pretty goddamn great.

I like reading the top 20 charting songs of a given year, cause there’s always a handful of them that I just don’t remember. I either never heard them, or they didn’t make a lasting impression. So, here are the songs from the top 20 of 1999 that I don’t remember:

Hey, so....at least part of this story might not make sense. He talks about his ancestors being so desperate to have a Michael Sheen they kept naming all their boys Michael Sheen but all the boys kept dying so his ancestors never had a Michael Sheen because all the boys died.

so...so wrong.

The Bears are my team. The amount of unbridled enthusiasm for this team who has nobody great (save for Mack) is astonishing. SUPER BEARS SUPER BOWL is all you hear around these days.

Love the sideswipes at Mitch Trubisky. That guy gets so much love from chicago media (and chicago meatheads) its unfathomable. He’s literally done next to nothing impressive.

Even with the headline and the lead-in paragraph, I wasn’t expecting it to look THAT bad.

Is he the first interviewee to answer the purge question with an actual crime?

Yes, and because it is Chicago this is the way it should be everywhere. Shout out to Aurelio’s...square cut pizza that’s delicious FOR DAYS. (fuck Drew’s Popeye’s leftovers shit)

Someone laughed at me when I said we had to go to Peter Pan’s Flight first thing in the morning. IT’S ALL PART OF THE PLAN, I said. I was right of course.

my cats would start chewing on that. then they’d start puking on it. fucking cats.