SOMEONE GET HIM A VODKA! STAT!!!!

Hey, eventually they'll program Shakespeare.

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WIIIILLLLLLLL ALWAYYYS LOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUOUUUUUUUUUUOOUUUUUAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

THE END IS NEAR! THE END IS NEAR!

I'm already broken, so…

I suddenly have a craving for Quesaritos and Prince.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Fuck Disqus.

Bang bang, shoot shoot!

Ukraine is weak…

I've always loved the story about how as John Lennon was dying, "All My Loving" came on on the hospital radio. So I guess I'll say almost any Beatles song.

We'll never make the money back on this one.

[insert Series of Unfortunate Events joke]

Argumentum ad black friends

He's done millions and millions of horrible things.

HEY MAHK WAHLBAHG IS AN AHSOME PERSAHN FROM THAH GREAT CITAH AHF BAHSTEN YAH FAHKIN QWEAH!

HEY!

I hope Glenn Beck defending Bill Cosby will give Cosby the courage to admit the horrible things he's done, like being on the same side of an argument as Glenn Beck.

ELMO'S A PIMP!

Dawes