Do you even ballet, bro? Tell me more about how posting up and shooting jumpers from the corner is tougher than being on pointe.

“Staal was eventually able to climb to his feet and skate off on his ice.”

WELL MAYBE IF GENGHIS KHAN DIDN’T COME OVER HERE AND RAPE OUR WOMEN

SHIT YOU DUMB

LOL SO HARD BRO!

Holy shit, that is an incredible amount of cases to toss out. Applause.

My children will be raised the proper way - with a teevee and a tablet.

Oh they fall down a lot in hockey?

I really only try to make nuanced comments when I know all the facts. And when my caps lock isn’t stuck.

Oh shit, I’m supposed to admit I’m wrong cause the group-think echo chamber hasn’t approved of my comment. I think it’s hilarious that you guys take me so seriously. One guy is even convinced it’s because - well, we’ll use his words.

CHECK YOUR FUCKING STROLLER MOMMY!

The car pictured below is obviously, irrefutably mine. It is because I work so hard as an investment banker, tech-CEO super double genius inventor.

Ya, you just invested it and it magically made money thanks to all your hard work. I mean, presumably, somewhere along the line, someone had to put in some actual labor, and that person was likely underpaid. That’s how you got the money to invest. On the backs of labor. Fuck you, you condescending piece of shit.

False. I’ll attend a hockey game if my old man invites me to go. I’ll watch the conference and league finals for the NBA. I just think some of these guys are just hurt, not injured, and therefore, could play. But Blake Griffin is greedy about his next contract and sees the Warriors playing and has given up. …

I will pass on the compliment.

God no! She’s not a model but she’s not a fucking amazon. My point is that Blake Griffin is a money-grubbing little bitch that doesn’t even bother paying lip service to the idea of winning.

That was me. Obviously you play hockey with your face. That’s how you stop slap shots. Haven’t you ever seen a hockey game?

“We all know that white people have been stealing from black people since before Augustus dressed as a pharaoh”

Serving jail time? This is a civil matter. The original artist is going to get some sort of financial compensation and some publicity from the whole deal.

Undoubtedly. I believe she said she was “on point” with a broken big toe, but I wouldn’t stoop so low as to deliberately exaggerate a story to make a point on the internet, so we’ll just leave it at maybe. We might as well just get on without these damn vestigial body parts.