I guess I was out of hand there…

It's a higher GPA than dropping out of fucking school, shitlord.

Dick Cheney is like the Forest Gump of evil. He traversed through major moments of the 20th and 21st century and made them worse.

Living in stereo leads to death in stereo…

Can I still swallow my tears?

housework?

Actually I can't believe Limbaugh still has a heartbeat. Between the cholesterol blocked arteries and the daily rage induced rants against anything sensible and decent the guy should be in a casket already.

Is that why there is no one else at this Quarterflash concert?

Yeah I liked him in Hot Tub Time Machine and, thanks to near constant reruns on Comedy Central, Sex Drive.

I, for one, welcome our Seahawk overlords!

In Illinois it is about 6 degrees. I'm going to the beach, want me to pick you up?

[Looks out whiskey]

It has 4 different types of lard!

Day 23: I have been at the counter of this 7-11 and the people behind me have become irate and hungry. I fear for my life. My winnings are a measly $37. I have spent over $30,000 now. I don't know how much longer I can go on. I fear for my life.

OK… This $50 of scratch off lottery tickets is sure to win me something!

What a country!

The $600 worth of scratch off lottery tickets will surely get me there!

Now now… We aren't one hundred percent sure that Lou Diamond Philips had anything to do with it!

Uh…. ARMAGEDDON PLAN???

Right…right on topic…so what pizza are we getting?