I'm a woman and all, but...if I have James Woods, Chris Pine, Thora Birch and Colin Fir.th in my spankbank, does that make me a Lumbersexual, too?

OH haha yeah no I'll stay here. But thank you. And if you want gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan-friendly, organic local artisanal beer ice cream, it's probably a thing here. And plenty of lumberbros to watch.

That depends, Mark.

Y'all are so extra wth your faux trends.

I don't love the lipstick neck tattoo but I am digging on his whole young hot Lincoln vibe.

Holy whoa, is a "Goldilocks" a lady who is into bears?!? If so you have blown my mind and expanded my vocab.

Flumberjacks?

Guys, you don't understand. I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. Full beards and flannel are actually IN FASHION? Consider me thrilled. Even if half the dudes sporting this style are impostors who've never spent a day in the woods in their whole lives.

Whatever, I've been a Goldilocks for decades now. I'm just happy dudes are now conforming to my personal sexual preferences. So....yay?

We did field camp at a lodge in Montana and some lumberjacks were staying there. One of their girlfriends stripped for another lumberjack's birthday and then they all came down to our fire to finish off the night. No muscles.

This look. This is how 80% of men between 22 and 37 1/2 in Portland (OR) look and it is so gross. It's one of the things that really bugged me about one of my otherwise favorite exes, actually - he's a great guy and he was super cute when we started dating, but he gradually devolved into a style I could only describe…

Or even better: lumberdrag.

A very small percentage of men care about fashion. Very small.

A lot of times not exactly muscled up, though. It's... disappointing.

I was at a street festival on a brisk day and I turned to a bearded guy in plaid and started chatting him up before I realized it was not, in fact my SO. My SO saw and laughed, realizing immediately from my surprise that I, like a 5-year-old, think all bearded men in plaid look alike.

We have one man to blame.

Because underneath it all, Jezebel editors actually love the same basic white heteronormative stuff they rail against.

Who wouldn't want a beer and a warm embrace after felling some timber?

That's the thing about choosing not be fashionable... eventually, a trend catches up to you, and you wind up looking like everyone else, intentional or not.