I was 16 and worked the refreshment counter at a chain movie theater. Everything was designed against theft. We had to wear black pants with no pockets or cuffs, lest we tuck money in there. Every time we opened a new package of cups, we had to count them to make sure none were missing, otherwise we would be…

Speaking as someone who is also (but not quite as) melanin-challenged, I hope he burns to a crisp.  

I’d be happy to chip in for the KoolAid.

Like Dumpster would ever watch that woman for even a second. She’s barely a 2.

When I moved to Manhattan in the 1980s, it took me over a year to find an affordable apartment. It was a tiny tenement space, but with an amazing location and nice neighbors. So when a I married a few years ago, I kept the space to use as my office. My husband has a son in his mid thirties who worked on his…

I was working at a popular nightclub and had the hots for the owner. Spent lots of time in the office, enjoying cocaine and blowjobs. It was the ‘80s.

Cars that have gone through a car compactor are recyclable. I say use a wood chipper, since he already resembles fertilizer.

Happy Birthday!  Aside from your exercise schedule, does it really matter what day it is?

Thank you for introducing me to the concept of Russell’s teapot.  Love it!

Sounds to me like he’d already been brain dead for a long time. I feel sorry for his wife and kids. It must hurt to know that he didn’t care about whether he brought Covid into their house.

Steel wool, or that hardening spray foam, are about the only things mice won’t chew through. They can collapse their little bodies and get in through the tiniest of spaces. Check around the pipes under your sink. Stuff steel wool in the space under your fridge and stove. If you don’t want to adopt a cat, maybe…

Maybe the stroller was to make it easier to shoplift.  I’ve heard that’s a thing.

Just because someone is mentally ill doesn’t mean they’re not an asshole. My advice is if you decide to respond when she calls, immediately turn the conversation to yourself and tell her about your own problems. She will quit calling.

And if he thinks it will help, I can totally see him throwing his kids under the bus.

And like her father, mistakes her flatulence for eloquence.

When she was a toddler, they used to dye her hair to match the same dyed shade as her mother. (I learned this from a stylist who worked at the same salon.) But now that she’s on Daddy’s side, maybe she switched shades.

My neighbor was hot for an Israeli guy and convinced me to join her in going to his Purim party. She insisted that I dress up because “everybody will be in costume.” Hey, I’m game for a little fun. The most costume-y thing I had on hand was a leopard print spandex unitard, so I wore that and drew on some whiskers. …

I have a Jaxx sleeper sofa that I love. It’s all foam, and comes in a box that fit in my 31" hallway. After you unpack it, it sort of grows into shape. The sofa has two ottomans that it can flip over to make a bed. I find it to be very comfortable, especially with a few extra pillows in the sofa. It’s very…

I have some serious Romanov fantasies concerning what to do about that whole family. May be spare Barron, at least as an Anastasia kind of rumor. But really, I want The Dumpster to survive Covid, with a lot of suffering. And I want him to live to see the headline “Trump is a Loser.”

What about the hilarious Jackie Hoffman’s reaction to Laura Dern beating her out for best supporting actress?