This is the best thing I've read today.

Good luck getting around Nicholson's description of a white naval dress uniform.

So is it more of a Price is Right situation where they're selected based on air-worthiness, or just cruel luck of the draw?

If you think about it, she's not lazy, just using her head. Susan works smarter, not harder.

Somehow, gaming Wheel of Fortune seems a lot sadder than gaming Jeopardy, but then again, I've never won fabulous prizes.

Oblique strategy: Use an old idea.

More like Tosh.bro, amirite?

Whither Cyndi Lauper?

It did seem like a weird choice for a rising young actor who had some critical acclaim. I can only assume that she thought it was going to be better, and then after that, who quits a hugely successful gig?

Neither of us know this person or his motivations, so it's kind of weird that I'm defending this stranger and you're attacking him, but…

Failure piles in a sadness box?

I'm not a millennial and I don't frequent any of the fine establishments you mention, but I kinda get it. McDonalds is cheap food, and Starbucks is coffee. Either way, you're not spending much money and it's an in-and-out situation, and very often, there aren't any better alternatives. But when you eat at an…

Oh man, the only thing worse than drinking in a TGI Fridays would be being hungover and drinking in a TGI Fridays.

He's a bassist and he needs to be paid, just like everybody else does.

Supergroup might be a bit of an overstatement, but Rourke was responsible for some pretty bouncy bass lines.

Searrrrrrrgent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Eyepatch You

Are suggesting that it's a pretty good metaphor for his career?

Maybe work in something about walruses?

Missed opportunity: "a¢sion"

Oh for sure. I don't know whether Kevin Spacey spends more time chewing ribs or scenery.