"Human cummerbund Romney seeks Condi corsage"

This isn't news, people are already paying extra for the Play Station rumble controller.

Are you a dick on purpose or were you just born that way?

Ever since I saw March of the Penguins, I read all penguin-related text in Morgan Freeman's voice. I can't help but wonder what would happen if an article about penguins opened with, "Good news, everybody!"

I want to support this, but I need more information. How does he feel about cupcakes?

After using Skype, I want my everything to be sharper, and that includes my apartment.

Somewhere on Earth, a species of Penis-Fart kelp is just itching to be discovered.

"Robot rapscallions! Nitwit nyctalops! Swine steamrollers! Troglodytic technocrats!"

The person whose only ability to convey emotion through writing comes through emoticons, who doesn't use capital letters (except when making faces with letters and punctuation), and who writes "ppl" instead of "people" is calling others lazy rednecks. Isn't there a word for this? Help me out.

What makes the tank so deadly, you ask? Well, it has really, really sharp corners. Seriously, they weren't even sanded.

I always thought the iPad was cool, but never thought I would find it personally useful. That was, until two weeks ago, when my office gave me one. I can't stop using the damn thing now, and not because of goofy games or social media, but for actual work. It's great.

Pedantic post that explains chimpanzees are not monkeys, completely missing the reference. Condescending suggestion the site get new writers and/or editors.

What, exactly, is your objection?

I'm glad someone said this. It's not at all an outrageous accusation, and pointing it out (even fictionally) doesn't put anyone under suspicion of being "anti-government." I understand this blog doesn't want to delve into politics as Gawker might, but let's not pretend like the CIA hasn't done incredibly fucked up and…

I wouldn't want Michael Bay's premature explosions anywhere near my bed, thanks.

If I don't sleep, I'll get Alzheimer's

Only when he's not too depressed. You know how it is, after a chimpnaut goes into space, the mundane is unbearable.

What we're doing here, right, is just giving you a bit of monkey news that's gone on, where a monkey's been involved in it. Good little story and that.

Oh, that's just excellent.

I think mites would be doable, but still a large bite.