Life is like a box of chocolates, in that if you take a moment and look, there’s a damn piece of paper that will give you the chance to make an informed choice.

Jeez, take a breath. I promise I’ll stop suggesting that American may not be the most extra special, shining utopia at has ever or will ever exist. Everywhere else is a dystopian hellscape, okay? Seriously, you should watch your blood pressure, maybe go shoot something, you’ll feel better.

Mmmm, delicious cookies. They go so well with our higher standard of living and functioning democracy. Let us know when America becomes great again, will you? I’m keen to see it.

Yet our system is working and yours resulted in a Donald Trump presidency.

Yes, but I understand there were emails.

Yes, let’s not forget that you are the real victims here.

Even an over-pressurized tank of bile like Sean Spicer should have met the breaking point by now. No job is worth what he’s putting himself through.

Okay, jumping in. How does one get out of the greys? Is there an actual process? Who decides? I feel that getting out of the greys would provide a level of personal validation that is, quite frankly, missing in my life.

My new dream is the next time I’m in a meeting and my boss comes up with some asinine, unworkable, impossible idea, I’ll say “Let’s just do it and be legends, man”, then quietly leave the room and never, ever return.

This is not correct.

Yes, it’s still a thing, because it works.

Maybe not, if the last few months have taught us anything, it’s that we should expect the worst case scenario.

Any adverse effects marijuana use might have on society have already happened. One in eight Americans admit to smoking weed recently, over a third have tried it in their lifetime. Marijuana is, for the most part, cheap and plentiful and easily accessible, and unless you are poor and/or black, there are relatively few…

Sure, he’s heard the term, but it’s irrelevant as long as colored people still walk free. Priorities, people!

I also firmly believe that not only is Trump not a billionaire, he is so heavily in debt that you or I have a higher net worth. That’s the dirty secret hidden in his tax returns.

My theory is that Trump needs the income from her residence in Trump Tower and his trips to Mar a Lago to provide cash flow so he can keep the electricity on.

Also, why is a smear campaign orchestrated by far-left organizations bent on destroying O’Reilly a bad thing? I’d be happy if the Left showed that level of commitment and organization.

To be fair, “You ready for peace through strength and that Reagan-ous posture that would tell any enemy, ‘Uh uh, we’re America, so we win, you lose!’” is the most American statement ever spoken, ever.

I hear this constantly and while I’m sorry to be a dick about this, here I go: