I had the best feuchting piece of chocolate cake the other day.

What's a Nubian?

"Everybody just gotta keep fuckin' everybody 'til they're all the same color."

Antarctica, still a better dating scene than D.C….

Haven't you seen what the ski jump does to women????

The freestyle hates our freedom.

And according to Romney any student can just ask mommy and daddy for money to start a business...

"Casual sex is irresistible to men, but the smart move is not to give it away. If you offer intimacy without commitment, the incentive to commit is eliminated. The grandmotherly message of yesterday is still true today: Men won't buy the cow if the milk is free."

I don't even want to know what the sentence would have been for failing to return Gigli. But I imagine it would have involved watching Gigli…<shudders>

Wait, the Earth orbits the SUN??

If Uncle Sugar is dolling out birth control, which uncle is it that's doing the mandatory invasive vaginal probes?

Didn't need to do any snooping to find out my ex was cheating. Idiot left a receipt for condoms just lying on her bedroom floor. It was the only thing on the receipt so I could see what it was just by glancing at it. Boy did she turn red.

They really need to make this the VP picture hung up in every Federal office. That's inspiration to serve our country right there.

You believe in NSA conspiracy theories, yet I missed the point? Nope...

"Who's up for some Natty Ice after this shindig, eh? You? Yeah I know you are!"

Brilliant!

Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly how the NSA spends its time...

Gandhi is credited with saying “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”

Was his plan to say that he looked handsome before but he took an IED to the face that turned him into this slovenly bastard?