Because you're a douche.

I completely read the second paragraph in the voice of Stefon. This trial has everything...jumproping penguins, human rocket launchers, my cousin Otis...

My boyfriend and I are fostering two three week old kittens right now. Bottle feeding and the whole nine. This video and the ensuing .gif party really makes me want to keep the cats! My dogs seem into it.....

Cooking is only considered "women's work" if the cook isn't getting paid for it. Funny how that works...

COUNTERPOINT: My taste upon graduating from high school was atrocious.

I pretty much have the entire film memorised, which means that no one will watch it with me anymore.

"You pet wandering mystery cats without regard to toxoplasmosis."

My list of deal breakers:

I love when very young men (around 25 to 27) hit on me (I'm 48) and when I say, "oh honey, no, you're much too young for me," they reply, "but I don't mind the age difference." Um, you were not listening child; what you think is none of my concern, YOU are to young for ME.

FYI all you sassy young feminists: The over-40 set has been copping this attitude for a looooong time.

Welcome to the club, my friends! xo

You know the thing about Amy Poehler, she's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When she comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until she bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the…

Is she really that popular, because I've never heard of herbivore.

Not ala carte, you have to get the whole abortionplex package and it is expensive. It's worth it though because they have non stop reruns of Maude and Golden Girls.

Smart money says he snickered on seeing the name of their lawyer.

I agree, but to specifically limit the ruling to medication that ONLY effects women, which they did do...I'd say that's pretty sexist. Comparing that to Roe v. Wade is also pretty misleading.

Because people don't understand HOW THE FUCK insurance works. The employee is paying premiums, so just because birth control does not have a copay does not make it FREE. It is covered by your premiums (YOU PAID FOR IT! WOW!). Employer contributions to health insurance could arguably contribute to part of your pay for…

Probably going to avoid Jezebel until that horrible ad with the worm coming out of someone's eye is gone.

Fruit Stripe Gum zebra cosplay.

I'm guessing this guy never grew a big dick, so he became one instead.