This is better than my similar story. You win.

Oh hey! I used to serve/bartend weddings and other such banquets! I never ran into anything myself, but I heard lots of stories. Here’s one, I didn’t feel it was fair to submit because I didn’t witness the act myself, but since you say there’s a shortage. Every year around Christmas time we did a lot of office parties…

Fun facts! I was told at this liver-disease conference thing last week that three cups of coffee per day is he magic number for liver health. I mean, combined with other lifestyle things but still, coffee=no hepatitis ;)

No yeah, that is what I meant. The Jewish fort-sleepin-lemon-shaking holiday. Maybe it’ll rain apocalyptic lemonade?

Gryffindor with some hufflepuff leanings.

Okay but consider also: the shaking a fucking lemon at the sky holiday

Sukkot? The Jwish let’s-sleep-in-a-fort holiday? That’s sort of lame for an apocalypse, don’t you think?

Idea: Bartender in question was an idiot (or I guess just not actually a bar tender and had no bar tending training), but person ordering “whiskey, neat” also kind of a snob? I actually I wager poser snob, since an actual whiskey snob would order a specific brand, not ordering a specific brand and going “nooo, that’s…

“It’s up to the school’s discretion what they perceive it to be.”

What? No, that’s not how this works. A clock is a clock is a clock is a clock.

“but what was the clock FOR?”
“...telling time?”
“That’s it, just ‘telling time’? A LIKELY STORY” This whole thing should have just been a too-real satirical sketch. I want to go back to bed.

But me aggressively putting my arm over my boyfriend’s shoulders is still cool right?

over messages we took text speak variations on “baby” to the point where I will now just text him two bee emojis (also my contact for him has the two bee emojis in it) or a string of the letter b.

I replied, “Yeah, like a baby.”

Wait it’s Rosh Hashana? Shit guess I’m going to have to join you in that Jewish Guilt compartment. And call my mother.

I read Lauren Conrad as Leonard Cohen and was a little confused for a second there.

Okay then we good. Didn’t see the show or see that in the article.

bringing the circle of late-night dudes with notable hair to a completion.

I’m just trying to make fit and flare dresses over here.

Take the bell from these sleeves... make it bigger... stick it at the waist as a skirt...

Okay 1) these are hideous, and 2) I’m ALREADY too short for most pants. If these goddamn models aren’t tall enough who is?? and 3) why on earth would having your VELVET PANTS drag on the ground be a thing you want?