1. Jenny's hashtag looks like "Jenny strainer" and made me think that she's having constipation problems.

I've been single and not looking for the last 10 months and this makes me never want to date again.

My dad and stepmom have a cabin in rural New Jersey. We were driving up with my dad to visit, the first time my four year old son had ever been. The whole ride up my dad and kid were talking about how great bears were. My dad kept talking about how friendly and nice they are and how the kid should be on the lookout…

So I used to live in Juneau, AK for the summers when I was in college, and worked at a helicopter company giving tours to people coming through on cruise ships. On my day off, a few friends and I decided to take a hike up to the Eagle Glacier, which is about a 7 hour round trip hike that runs adjacent to the Eagle…

This didn't happen to me, so call it apocryphal if you must, but it's still a great story I heard from a friend.

I misread chipmunk as chimpanzee somehow and had so many questions.

Yeah, me too. My Ex moved for a job opportunity, and we were doing the LDR thing where I would fly out every six weeks, he'd fly to me every eight. I had a second wardrobe at the ex's apartment because the climate was so different. One day I'm looking at Facebook and there's these group pictures of my ex's work, and…

So back in the day I was a bartender at one of those notorious nightclubs that people still give me side-eye when I mention that I worked there. One somewhat slow Tuesday night my new cocktail server, "Chrissy", mentions that her divorce had finalized, and she'd celebrated by partying with Brad* the bouncer. I knew…

I remember a lot of people including Kathy Griffin referring to her as the ugly one. They forget she's still a teen.

Somebody please explain this knee nonsense to me. Don't all knees resemble Prince George? Am I royal? Am I in hell?

You should have gone to the bathroom and said "I'll send you something too", then sent him a picture of a bigger dick.

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