My old roommate was a big fan of Blue Apron. One time she had one of her friends over, who had just got married and bought her first house, and she was just over the moon that there was this thing that sent you all the stuff you need and gave you timing instructions, because time in the kitchen was what always made…

Standing for the pledge is just reflex behavior. I was working a contract program last year at a high school that had federal funds to help kids who were in danger of failing. The first few weeks they dutifully stood for the pledge, then they realized that we didn’t stand for it, and, if we didn’t, they didn’t have to…

To be fair, Evelyn Waugh was didactic and self-serious and he still managed to be funny.

Attack on Titan, except all the titans have to wear pants.

Give him a copy of Akuma no Uta. Sure it’s all about Satan, but, it’s in Japanese, so he’ll never know.

““I do not exist,” we faithfully insist

Fuck, this is why you have scroll down.

Dude, you can’t wipe your ass with a computer screen. I mean, you probably can, but it would be really unpleasant.

I remember vividly seeing The Avengers. Because that movie was so long and so boring. I may have been a little drunk, but, when there’s that part at the end where they say they have one last thing to do, I was yelled into the mostly empty theater, “no fuck you, movie, just be over, your’e done.” 

I thought he did pretty well in the BBC version of Hamlet from a few years ago (which yes, I know, was adapted from a stage performance.) The problem was that everyone else was inevitably going to be dwarfed by Patrick Stewart.

One of black lab/golden mixes had a thing for plastic bags. There were times you’d be walking her and she’d start to strain to poop, and then you’d see plastic start to come out and you’d sigh and turn a poop bag inside out because now you were going to have to pull it out of her.

There are plenty of people who know the grocery store as “deli counter, dairy, snacks, frozen foods,” and everything else might as well be labeled “Here There be Dragons.” I wouldn’t trust my own mother to go to the grocery store, although not that she would, I’ve watched her sit in the car and wait for me while I…

Publix will happily break open a package of ground meat and weigh out the precise amount you want, but I’ve never heard of them butchering for you.

Modern versions all have their designations. If it just says Hamlet, that’s the Mel Gibson version. Kenneth Branaugh’s Hamlet is, well, Kenneth Branaugh’s Hamlet. The one with Ethan Hawke is Hamlet 2000, and the one with David Tennant is BBC Hamlet.

It looks like someone had diarrhea on a plate of gummi worms.

So Taco Bell and Arby’s aren’t good places for kids?

Yeah, but if it’s the fucking Olive Garden you have no idea what’s gonna go down. Breadsticks in every orifice, marinara everywhere. Kids aren’t meant to see that.

This is the Maine-est thing ever, and I say that as someone who once bought an original screenprint at an auction at an artist’s colony in Maine.

I feel like the follow-up questions here are “how well-lit is it?” and “what is the decor like.”

It made over $80 million dollars, which is not the absolute most amazing result, but uh... yeah, they’re gonna let him keep making movies.