Turns out the campaign to kill all the animals in the irradiated countryside wasn’t done merely to prevent the spread of the contamination, but also as an attempt to find and kill the American spies Moose and Squirrel.

It’s at least most lawyers.

pfft. Lemme tell ya what’s going on here. Some suit told the pencil-necks over in tech to come up with a SUPERDUPER SCIENTIFIC ALGORITHM to pick a random episode order, so they could get a little more free press advertising. Said pencil-necks pasted a little “ORDER BY random(id)“ on the end of the SQL and took the…

4 different episode orders? So, it’s going by Hogwarts House. Mystery solved. 

No, that’s called getting the room you paid for. Renting a hotel room isn’t free.

Sorry that my failed one night stand was told with such subtle humor that it failed to land for you specifically. Thanks for the tip.

Cool. Meanwhile Jon Gruden woke up at 3am to trade away the his starting offensive line for a 4th round pick and some frozen Trump Steaks.

I believe they covered this in the documentary Minority Report.

Yes, Chris. We all know that guy. But looking objectively, the guy is a marginal NFL quarterback under the best circumstances. Yeah, sure, he had some success and even pulled off some heroics in the playoffs, when it counts the most. But he comes with so much baggage - the kneeling, the outsized media attention, the…

[just the dumbest possible voice] “Well, which is it Lazaro? Do you need more wax for your moustache?”

[even dumber voice] “I bet you are like sooooooooooooooooooooo cool in real life, aren’t you? Do you distill you own whiskey or vodka?”

[in a real stupid voice] “When you choose to play in the NFL, you are choosing all the risks that go with the reward of being on the biggest (American) football stage in the world.”

There isn’t a list of board members on their website, but there is a ‘List of Permanently Illegible Members’: https://usagym.org/pages/aboutus/pages/permanently_ineligible_members.html

I guarantee this guy had to use a calculator to figure out those completion percentages.

I hope Dale Jr punches Felger in the mouth, and tells him to keep his daddy’s name out of it. I know he probably won’t, but a man can dream.

*busts into room*
“Did somebody say percs?!?!”
~Jim Irsay

“Truther is a moronic pejorative.”

“Adrian Peterson has been demoted from Saint to Cardinal.”

If you want to be like Rick then you have already failed at being like Rick.

This statement is why the modern liberal movement is just as intellectually bankrupt as the conservatives. “People who disagree with me obviously are of low intelligence and shouldn’t count.”