True cognitive dissonance takes generations to cultivate naturally. It should be difficult to imitate. You’re going to be alright.

That’s the right thing to do, good for everyone. Here’s hoping Obama trolls hard the United Southern States of Soviet America with his last few pardons too

The Little White Kid’s Bag, let’s be real.

“Yay!” —Sonic of Zion

Our paternal instincts are pathological? Manifest destiny? Guns, germs, and steel? Affluenza?

It’s also possible that America’s first fast food president is channeling the Hamburglar

Good point, but it wouldn’t be unpresidented if he didn’t.

This is not the best way to remind ticket buyers that your tour will be lipsynched. Or maybe it is. There’s a reason I’m not famous.

“Madam” was a delight- this is an offense!

It’s entirely possible he doesn’t know what the word means.

Arriviste trash juice.

How much did patriotic citizen Steven Ray pay Uday and Qusay for this privileged access, or does he just know where the tax returns are buried?

Love how that tweetstorm just peters out on “likes” the longer it goes on.

He looks like Clarence Boddicker.

Voice to text is pretty good for driving around and getting things done on the go, unless you have a “Ken” or “Juan” in your life. Try it- it will come up “can” and “one”. Fairly annoying.

Just another straight white male bracing for a lifetime of oppression.

Twitter is for chickenshit motherfuckers who can’t face conflict.

You’re in the minority, dipshit- get used to it. Gonna be a long four years for you and yours.