This week on Behind Closed Ovens is filled with the worst of humanity. Ugh. I feel like I’m covered in grill lines after reading that. It’s hard to decide who the worst of this batch is.

OMG Starbucks guy... how... what? I have questions. How does he keep all those cards straight? Does the app even hold that many cards? Did he have to put money on them first? How much did he spend to get those free drinks?

That, or he is insane enough to sit down with the menu and figure out the cheapest way to price his drink. Either way the guy is crazy and has a special place in hell reserved just for him.

Dear dining public:

Percy Harvin has every right to feel disrespected. Seattle essentially gave him away to New York for nothing, and instead of proving the doubters wrong, Harvin turned in another injured, mediocre season. I guess Seattle’s head coach was right when he told reporters that he believed a stolen Jet wouldn’t be capable of…

If he comes back, he comes back. If not, we’re good without him.

Papa John is a giant douche, so I don’t feel sorry for him.

Headline should be “Gay man comes out as a Brewer”

So by my count this is the third Pioneer league story on deadspin this summer, only one of which involved white supremacy!

Only the Brewers would consider a guy with 15 HRs in three years as “power-hitting.”

You know, all of you “see how little I care” commenters don’t fool a soul.

It’s cool because there’s still kids out there getting bullied for being gay (by their own school even!), there’s still people who are afraid to come out because they’re afraid they’ll get fired or kicked out or that their friends won’t accept them.

Reminder: the people who comment “who cares? why is this news?” are absolutely not emotionally indifferent to it.

Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.

I dunno what Gen. Odierno is talking about. The fact that Russia uses a different gauge has been a very well known fact for a very long time. Hell, I think they make reference to it in a late 1980s/early 1990s Tom Clancy movie. Maybe I’m thinking of something else, but different rail gauges has been something the DoD…

For all the terrible, terrible things the Jets have done to me as a fan, Rex Ryan trolling us as coach of the Bills is the most heartbreaking.

Sooooooooo on the first stop in his apology tour for insulting a group of people’s intelligence, he compares one of them to a mentally handicapped person.

Ugh. It’s as if Cowherd intuitively begins by discounting the possibility Pedro sounds like an insightful, high-level thinker talking about baseball because he’s ACTUALLY REALLY SMART.

The NFL is like the guy who shows up at the party already hammered and grabs someones girlfriends ass then takes a dump in a potted plant. Then, instead of laying low for a month, goes out again the next weekend.