That’s because the horror stories are actually documentaries. 

Never forget Bowling Green.

The raccoon would drive around the hole and head straight into somebody’s pool so they could wash the food they found stuffed in the car’s cupholder.

This looks fantastic - what a cool experience. 

Texas Mode engaged: Attack Cyclists

This is the joke that keeps on giving.

see comment about my teenage son.

It’s rod knock you know it when you hear it.

Had a teenage son.  You don’t want the technical term for that sound.

Thats the best damn writing Ive seen on this site.  Too bad its a quote from another article.

That’s the technical term, I’m sure.

It’s almost like not everyone thinks the same way you do

Jake also gave me my earliest car writing gig, where I told stories on Out Motorsports before coming here.

Aw, now you’re making me blush.

I just want to mention that Jake is the man who taught me how to wrench over 20 years ago. He was the president of JMU’s car club, I was founder of UVA’s.

We became friends; now we’re both involved in automotive media. Small world.

The dude is awesome.

https://xkcd.com/1357/

I don’t really understand the problem, but my shareholders are angry. I’m just going to flail wildly until this blows over or I resign to spend time with my family.

We have our own little Y’all Qaeda cell up here now.