This is Mark Matts. He'll be auditioning for the role of George.

Condoms are for single men.

I really wouldn't know about that. I don't watch much TV. I like to read.

It's not a lie, if you believe it.

I'm not an orgy guy!

As opposed to a spirited bout of Skanko-Roman wrestling.

When I was a little girl in Panama, a rich American came to our town, and he was wearing the softest, most beautiful sweater.

Six weeks of traveling through Mexico, all on Peterman's peso.

You get someone to take that Canadian quarter?

Only in the United States.

That irreverence, that wit! I'd recognize it anywhere! Some charlatan has stolen a Ziggy and passed it off as his own!

No, I mean…do you "like" him or do you "like" him, "like" him?

J Crew.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me!

We can check porn and stock quotes.

I'd like to begin with a hearty hail and well-met good fellow, to Bob Grossberg, who's joining us from Business Affairs.

it's gonna take a major commitment from you. You're gonna have to keep it under sixty miles an hour for a while. You gotta come in, and you gotta get the oil changed every thousand miles.

Remember that idea I had a few years ago about the pizza place where you make your own pizza?

This friend of a friend knows this banker guy. He's, I don't know, 30 years old, unbelievably gorgeous - of course, he's gay.