It’s almost as if these are just terrible people, right down to their cores. [thinking emoji]

If Banks has magical powers why doesn’t she use them to make her career go somewhere or turn herself into a non-trash person?

Offset would drown his sorrows in someone else’s vagina. He’d be fine. 

The house is in a little town in the Dordogne, about an hour’s drive from Bordeaux. As I type this I think the closing is happening! It was supposed to be 10am my time, 4pm theirs. I speak French but my husband doesn’t. I hope for us to be there full-time in 2-3 years so he better get on it. And I will get my list of…

BRB, gotta buy this. The world is a trash fire and I just got dumped and while I am ALL ABOUT the spooky content, Christmas brings me an excess of joy and I need this. I’m going to play this album while beginning to draft my shopping list for Christmas. 

As a grumpy Old who does not condone early Christmas, I will be buying this album and listening to it exactly on Oct. 26. John Legend is a goddamn shining star on top of a Christmas tree. 

When he said "Ronan Sinatra" !!!

I’m considering changing my username to Proudest, Drunkest Virgin.

When Grassley said, “Well I’m hard as hell,” I died. And then when Kennedy called the female prosecutor Miss Frizzle, I died again.

Aaaaaa I am so jealous of your progress!!! Think of what you’ve already done! We’re hoping to close on a (very tiny) house in France next week. I have a business here in the U.S. and it’s my dream to move it over there and get the fuck ouuuuut of here as soon as possible. Every day is filled with anxiety about how to…

I thought: “I don’t remember being interviewed for this post, and somehow, they got exactly me!”

I stayed home today because I had food poisoning that had me up late last night vomiting and woke me for more quality time with the toilet this morning. I messaged my supervisor right away, but still had a panic attack that my colleagues will resent me and I will destroy position at work (especially since a week ago I…

Omg does it stand for closer to death because that is awesome

Her show would get huge ratings.

I wish I could live my life with half the energy and thrill that Leslie Jones has about anything. She is such a treasure.

I am 56, my girlfriend is 49. I never thought I'd love anyone or be loved the way we love each other, or be happy the way we are happy. It's been two and a half years and sometimes, I still wonder why and how. But life is life and love is love and years and ages don't matter; the heart is ageless. 

Same. I normally cringe at things like this. I am the most unromantic person ever and am very anti public proposals. But something about this got me. 

I got $ says Horatio Sanz plays him in the movie, David Spade plays Conway. 

Holy shit. They’re all bad, but the right side of the photo is the most depressing, especially the blonde woman with short hair and a dress that even a Russian hooker would refuse to wear. And is she wearing nude hose???

I assume that later today “Gisele dies of laughter” will be a headline.