I read every one of these - and there were definitely some gems - but I just flat-out can’t get over putting jelly on pizza, let alone asking for it like it’s not completely insane.

I’m pretty sure Matt Damon knows when diversity is an issue.

TBH, I’m much more interested in seeing this movie [after I read the book] now that I know Chiwetel Ejiofor is in it. But I would’ve been just as happy with Tony Leung. Or Daniel Dae Kim. Or Donnie Yen. Which...why the hell wouldn’t you cast one of those dudes?

All these things and the comments are why I only run if I’m being chased by grizzly bears.

OMG OMG OMG

Well, I heard that Norwegian cloudberries picked by the decendants of trolls and hulders cure cancers caused by electromagnetic waves if you write your intention on the container and put it under your pillow when sleeping. It’s true, my friend’s cousin’s dogsitter sent me a FW:FW:FW: that proved it with words!

I can’t stop laughing about an ‘eco dentist’. What the ever-loving fuck is that? She tries to fight your tooth decay by cultivating penicillin mold between your teeth?

As a quirky-but-not-diagnosed geek who married another quirky geek and had an autistic child, I was never particularly confused about the cause of my son’s autism.

Let....ter? Pa....per?

They’re so concerned about ending the autism “epidemic” that they’re creating actual epidemics out of preventable diseases. Fucking incredible.

Even. If. Vaccines. Did. Cause. Autism. Which. They. Do. Not. An. Autistic. Child. Is. Still. An. Alive. Child.

Even as a seven-year-old, I was so baffled at the drug lyceums my school would have where they claimed that drug dealers hang around the playground, give kids stickers with acid or LSD on them, and then the kids are hooked on drugs FOREVER! My allowance was $1 a week, I could not afford drugs. That’s just a horrible…

“ If you don’t succeed in business, you shouldn’t be the first one to step up and complain about getting paid.”

It absolutely should be, but unfortunately in america it’s all “ARGLE BARGLE IF THEY DON’T LIKE IT THEY CAN JUST QUIT AND GET ANOTHER JOB AND IF EVERYBODY DID THAT THE OWNERS WOULD HAVE TO PAY HONESTLY OR ELSE THEY WON’T HAVE ANY STAFF AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT AND YOU MAKE ME HIT YOU WITH YOUR NAGGING YOU STUPID BITCH…

I’m an asshole. I’m sorry.* I couldn’t help but run into the comments the second I saw that editor’s note. I will work on my impulse control.**

I mean, there are people willing to vote for Ben Carson, so.

As soon as I saw the editor’s note, I came to the comments to collect my free trip to the sun.

Ok, assuming you’re not kidding here (because there are serious comments like this every week and you’ve done nothing too over the top to show you’re being sarcastic) a person who keeps Kosher or Halal would know what “pork” means because it would be incredibly important for them to know that. If your diet forbids you…

She proceeds to explain to him that only a hamburger contains meat, and that a cheeseburger is vegetarian. She says she knows this because she has been to McDonald’s in London literally *hundreds* of times in the last few years, and that a cheeseburger is always vegetarian when she orders one!