And the final score of the match is:

well, that's why Kevin Love is such an important part of this narrative. Even Gilbert's not that stupid.

I'm deeply sorry you had to live in Jacksonville. I hope you were able to get some counseling.

no, probably just poor understanding of movies co-starring Gregory Peck and Steve Guttenberg.

I think the worst part of this all is that...Brazil still has to play another game.

We Are All Shitnesses.

Jake Close is the Irish Potato Famine of comedy.

yeah it's a wonder with his close reasoning skills on display there that's he's unemployed.

"Baseball game? You think that's something, don't you? You got nothing on me."

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!?

maybe we should hear from Comic Sans itself:

Actually I think it's just more likely he was diagnosed with Harold Miner Syndrome.

"the rearward-facing notch just above the word 'costas'"

Too soon.

when he's talking about "his partners", is there any doubt he means the refs?

There's only one way to eat a brace of coneys! (This is not it.)