“If Mary Tyler Moore married and divorced Steven Tyler, then married and divorced Michael Moore, and got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore?” — Happy Endings

On the one hand, I have to giggle about men mansplaining to other men. Schneider must have been in a dick fugue and forgot he was mansplaining to a fellow penis-haver. But on the other hand, REP. JOHN LEWIS DESERVES ALL THE RESPECT AND IS A BETTER MAN THAN ROB “DEUCE” SCHNEIDER. SO SHUT YOUR SMARMY FACE, BIGALOW. That…

Oh Sam, I have MISSED you. Now bring back John Oliver and my cold, dead heart will grow three sizes.

I feel like Kerry Washington looks a bit... sallow in that photograph. She’s got a bit of a greige hue that looks like I feel after I’ve eaten three too many burritos. Just me?

This is my sweet baby boy, Atticus!

I read “BOOOTY Bellows”, not “Bootsy Bellows” and I thought to myself: “FINALLY! An IBS-themed club where I can cut a rug AND the cheese!”.

I’m wicked high and I ate all the mashed potatoes my mom made in advance of tomorrow’s big Christmas dinner. An. entire. bowl. HELP! Can I blame a passing wild dog? Give me your best excuse, Internet.

SAME. I ate all the edibles and I’ve been trying to coax a hand towel into a non-racist turban for the past 10 minutes. NOT WORKING.

If it is Martin Sheen I will eat my hat, I will eat your hat, and I will eat all the Stetsons in Texas. That is how much I need President Bartlet to remain good and pure.

RIGHT?! I’m thinking it’s ol’ hairplugs himself, John Travolta. What are your guesses?

That blind item has me and my mother texting each other celebrity names hourly. I am suspicious it is La Travolta...

I lived in Montreal for four years - I saw drivers backing down streets 4000 times. “Oh, my stop was two blocks back? Fuck the three-point turn”. The streets are never safe for cyclists or pedestrians. Or other drivers.

Lea Michelle looks a bit like a “marital aid” (blow-up) doll. Was she trying to look... afraid? Surprised? Vacant? I’m just worried a bee might fly into her mouth.

I will never forget the time that my cousin told me “I have sex with my boyfriend every day because that’s what a good girlfriend does”. I said “well, I am going to make some man very unhappy some day”. And she just patted my shoulder.

Oh my gosh I clicked on your link and dove into a Huff Post click-cry-hole. Which is to say I watched ALL the sad/happy videos under the “humanity” header. Sea otter pups, abandoned dogs, domestic violence... oh. boy.

Excellent sentiment and excellent use of .gif. The public grabbing is just... too much. He looks like he’s Rocky touching Janet’s boobs for the first time.

Oh my gosh, you know how to LIVE. You are Queen of the Menses. I am usually just trolling for Cheetos or a can of cream soda. Teriyaki salmon + brownies?!?! TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

This is like when they put pictures of Amber Heard’s bruised face on the cover of People when the Depp story first leaked. Abusers need to be publicly flogged but injured ladies do not need to be cover-stories.

That silhouette doesn’t look puffy enough to be present-day John Travolta. And I would expect to see individual hair (plugs) to be sure. But that’s just me on Day 3 of my menses: a big ol’ bitch.

Does it look like Mindy Kaling is maybe lightening her skin? That main picture is giving me all the heebies. And a few jeebies. Maybe it’s just a case of bad foundation?